David and I brought Mike home in a 3X6 box yesterday. For now he is resting on the top shelf of the closet we shared covered in that silly Panama Jack hat he liked in Seaworld’s gift shop. Forty two years of a life together and when it’s done you’re handed a box. Talk about putting things in perspective!
My son and I sat in the car and cried together, feeling as if we’re living the book of Ecclesiastes right now. The things of Earth have become extremely dim and eternity seems very near. Nothing here matters In this moment; not our homes, our cars, food, money, the long, long, long to do list, or even David’s soon to be published book. I admit, I’m saddened the death of his father has stolen David’s excitement for his accomplishment.
“Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity. What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun?” Ecclesiastes 1:1.
Heaven is near and reminding us of what really matters. Obviously we must continue living and find provision for our journey here, but all of that is far less important than knowing the Father Heart of God and loving people.
Whatever time remains for us, we will continue honoring Mike’s legacy by doing just that, until it is our turn to proclaim:
“ I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved His appearing,” 2 Timothy 4:7-8.
Welcome home, Michael Connis!
Whew! I’ve not lost my spouse to death. Yet understand it in a different sense. As I read this and look back on the 6 family members I’ve lost since 11-1-11. you’re words are still helping me to process unresolved thoughts. I don’t think time heels all wounds. It just give us grace to adjust to our “new normal ” as they teach us in grief share classes . I learned as you so beautifully stated, my feelings of deep grief were perfectly normal I’d weep so hard I thought “ok God, If you don’t intervene here, I’ll stop breathing” because I was literally choking, coughing, (I’m asthmatic) and couldn’t catch my breath. I too had been suffering with debilitating health issues for the majority of my life which put tremendous strain on relationships. How can all my family be dying off? Sometimes there’s just the next breath to breathe in. To see and hug our children and grandgifts. I’ve had to learn that even in my bed most days, that must be enough. God is still God, and He never promised me and easy life. So until then I learn from precious woman like you, to hold on and breath. We cannot resurrect time . Everyday I get to see my children or grandgifts, is a good day. Living alone is no easy task. Every dreams been shattered. Still God must have some plan in it all…. praying for you all so often. As I read Davids post he shared I was so sad for him. I know his dad would him to carry on and do it big and bold as he planned! It would honor his dad so much and carry on Pastor Mikes legacy through his music and writing! I remember he’d speak of his sons and how proud he was. He adored his family! Diane, obviously God picked you to be Jon’s mom and you’re one of the strongest women I know. Even if you don’t feel like it. You will have a testimony in this and perhaps you’re greatest book! Much love & Fathers abundant blessings over all of you all.
I love you guys!! I’m praying for you for today and every day forward that God carries you all along this path. David, your dad is very proud of your accomplishments, don’t doubt it for a second. He’s probably high fiving some Angels saying,”Look at my son!” I know this sounds so distant, but it’s really not, very very soon, we will be with him and our other loved ones that have gone on a head of us. But for today, just let Jesus carry you all.
Sending lots of love to you guys!!
Wendi Coe
Awesome! Thank you ❤️❤️
This is exactly how I feel about Kimberly’s death, too. It certainly changed mu focus. She was 40 when she died. When she was on hospice care she said, “I’m glad that I turned 40 before dying because then no one can say that I was young when I died!” To her, 40 seemed old. We talked and saw each other almost every day for those 40 years. And many times I was there with her overnight trying to help as best I could. However, it was not enough. Yet I know that God could even now raise her up if He chose. But, there is the mystery of this suffering that will probably not be resolved as you can resolve a problem, at least not in this life. We can’t know everything that God knows. I might as well be looking for the uttermost depths of the sea. And I have to believe that He is using my pain to turn this clay into something that He can use by taking me through this fire. The pain is unspeakable & so real. I pray that as you are on the potter’s wheel, Diane, that God’s wonderful love will be revealed to you in comfort, compassion, & peace as you walk through this valley. I. Pray His dear presencewill floodyour soul & wrap you up in His love like a big, warm blanket of soothing softness to lessen the blows. I love you. I’m praying for you. God bless you and your family.
Diane,
Just read your post and my heart hurts for you and your family . We can’t say I know how you feel because we don’t know that . Each persons hurts is different and all we can do is let you know we love you and are here praying that each day it gets a little easier to put one foot in front of the other and move forward in your days ahead . Love and Prayers Dean and Chris Law
❤️💔❤️