I wrote this eight years ago when I turned fifty. In honor of my recent birthday and because my sister-in-law has requested it, I am posting it now.

Birthdays are celebrations that mark time, change, and the passing of years with swift regularity. 

I hit the ‘big 5.O’ on my last one and unlike some women, am happy to announce how many years I have managed to remain upright, breathing and relatively sane through all the ups and downs of my existence.

When I was very young, I remember thinking 50 sounded, well…almost dead, but now that I’m here it’s not so bad. 

I’ve survived childhood in a crazy (literally) family, many years of marriage to the same guy, being ‘the pastor’s wife’, raising two boys–one with developmental disability, thirteen years of home schooling, rheumatoid arthritis (since the age of 26), a flood, three hurricanes, a few close call tornadoes and a myriad of church going folks (sorry, but God’s family can be..hmm..let’s save that topic for another time!) and various other types of humanity.

It’s quite a resume and a lot to be thankful for.

My mind, still running with the enthusiasm of a twenty something, finds the number shocking, though the rest of me recognizes beyond a doubt, I’m undeniably 50! How did I arrive here so quickly? 

My husband, Mike, finds great joy in the fact that I turned fifty before him and absolutely loved it when the application for an AARP card came in the mail addressed to me.  He came up with eons of one-liners and witty jokes for days and weeks afterward.  But I remind him often that he’s not very far behind me and will hit that nice even number very soon.

David turned sixteen last month in the days following, took and passed his driving test.  When he pulled the old 1995 Acura we gave him out of the driveway and took off alone into the big wide world for the first time, I just stood in the window and watched him go, like a mother bird watching her little one jump off the edge of the nest to try out new wings. 

It was a strange sensation and I’m not sure there are words to describe what it was like watching that car disappear down the street and around the corner.  For now I’m glad that our “little bird” still returns to the nest whenever he and his new wings leave.

Jonathan’s birthday was yesterday and at twenty six, he is caught in a time warp. The years add up but, unlike his younger brother, he changes very little.  Occasionally I hear people say that they would like to return to the simplicity of being a kid again but Jon has never left. 

From my observation, there’s advantages and disadvantages to never growing up.  Like the Lost Boys in Peter Pan, Jon is often in a world of his own, one that doesn’t always mesh with the reality around him.  He can be joyously oblivious to the harshness of life, especially when it doesn’t directly affect him or be deeply frustrated when the real world presses in on him and becomes difficult to cope with or process.

This year, for reasons I can’t exactly define, my son’s birthdays made me sad and happy all at once.  Is it because they are at such opposite ends of a time spectrum as they age? One marking time with little growth, the other moving ahead so rapidly I can barely keep up?  Or is it that I’m just a sentimental, goofy, fifty year old, menopausal mom?  

There are moments I look forward to clocks, calendars and birthdays becoming non-essential items. In the meantime, I want to embrace every day as it comes, with the simplicity of Jon’s world and the exhilarating speed of David’s. 

At a half a century old, I’m still not sure I know how to do that, but by God’s grace I remain willing to learn.

Ephesians 5:^15-17  Act like people with good sense and not like fools.  These are evil times, so make every minute count. Don’t be stupid. Instead, find out what the Lord wants you to do.