A passion of mine is to help people become better educated about adults with developmental disabilities 
and occasionally, conversations with people evolve into the topic of our developmentally delayed son and some of his behaviors.
Some folks, with a little chuckle and smile, say, “O yeah, I know, all kids act that way sometimes. Mine sure does. It can really be frustrating.”
Or something similar.
I know they mean well and I appreciate their desire to empathize, but telling me their three year old child, five year old grandson or ten year old nephew, does the exact same thing doesn’t make me feel better.
Because it’s really not the same – at all!
It hardly seems like a fair comparison when your “child” is thirty plus and you’re still dealing with these behaviors every day.
Their struggle with a childish behavior problem occurs because their kid is still a child. Jon is not.
Their struggle with these behaviors will end as their child grows and matures. Mine has not.
Any individual who asks about and takes interest in our son, so they can understand him better is greatly appreciated. He’s a remarkable person and we love him very much but comparing him or any other disabled adult to a toddler, elementary age or pre-teen child troubles me.
I don’t begrudge those whose children develop normally and I’m not angry because Jon didn’t. I’m simply in a constant state of living inside this reality.
Families and caregivers, who have put in years of loving and living with an adult with developmental delays are the ones who know…
It’s not the same at all!
You're so right, Faith.I think people have a need to know they are heard in the middle of their stuff-whatever it is-without someone else trying to downplay it or uplift it with empty words. Sometimes we just need to listen and give a nod or a hug instead of an "answer". I don't want to be that "poor me" person in the midst of any difficulty but I think knowing how to encourage people is important, especially in our Christian-ese circles, where we are prone to spit out scriptures and platitudes like watermelon seeds on a hot summer day!
I think we all want people to know that our suffering is unique to each of us. We want to be understood, not compared. Whatever each of our situations are, we want people to know, "You haven't, in fact, walked in my shoes!" The equivalent to this for me would be when people have said something like, "Oh I know all about a tight budget" and then blither about having to do without some luxury item or not being able to go on vacation. These are self-pity triggers. Or else, they are the olive press and I'll be darned if I don't forgive and be made into healing oil for others in more crushing circumstances than me. Thanks for an honest and informative post! 🙂