Occasionally I’m asked, “How’s Jon doing?”

There are many answers I’d like to give. He just had his thirty fourth birthday and got promoted at work, gave us a new grandchild, celebrated his eleventh wedding anniversary, published a book, took a vacation to Aruba, is running for governor of Tennessee, bought a new car, took us out to dinner, is coming with his family to visit for a week.

You know, stuff like that.

Most of the time I don’t know how to answer. So I just say, “He’s fine. Just being Jon.” There’s always a lot more behind that reply than anyone knows.

What I could say is: He’s hardly come out of his room for three days. I finally got him to take a shower and change his clothes. He went for a ‘wander’ down the street but I found him. I just rescheduled his doctor appointment for the fourth time because he won’t go. I spent two hours picking up his ‘obsessive’ room again so I can vacuum. 

Or if we’re in one of his ‘non-hermit’ cycles I can say: He’s come out of his room everyday this week with shoes on. That means he wants to go someplace. I dropped everything I’m doing to take him out because it’s been over a week since he’s left the house and I feel bad. We spent six hours in one restaurant yesterday, five hours in the barbershop today, two hours in a convenience store, an hour waiting for him to get out of the car while melting in ninety degree heat. He was in the garage all night rearranging the recyclables, eating frozen pizza from the extra fridge and trying to iron a frozen chicken pot pie. 

Or on good mood/behavior days maybe this: He stood next to me for a half hour last night and sang Disney songs, while drumming on the ottoman with straws. He smiled when I said Hello today instead of frowning and turning his back to me. He actually sat and ate dinner with us on the patio. He picked a flower from my garden and gave it to me. He changed his clothes without being reminded ten times and was ready to go in two hours instead of four. He tried to write me a note and when I couldn’t read it, he actually talked to me, even though it was only one or two words.

There’s a zillion things I could say when asked the “How’s Jon” question. I’m not always sure people really want or understand the answers. But that’s OK. It’s still important it’s asked. It means Jon is not out of sight, out of mind. He is not totally forgotten. Others think of him, even though they rarely see him and that means something.

So keep asking. If I discern you’re genuinely interested I might tell you the latest unusual thing he’s doing. Or, depending on what’s going on with him at the moment, I might be too tired or frustrated to explain so I’ll say, “He’s fine. Just being Jon.”

And I probably should add, “But thanks for asking. It really means a lot to me that you care enough to think of him too.”