Author Archives: diane.connis@gmail.com

Jon-a-tized

barber_poleLast week Jon had a guy spa day, sort of. After nearly a month of not wanting to go anywhere, he was treated to a haircut, shave and manicure and came back home looking polished and handsome.

I’ve been taking him to the same barbershop for a while. All the employees there know him and are wonderfully patient with his moods, quirks and slow pace.

The receptionist knows I don’t mind waiting and fits him in around appointments if necessary since it can take up to an hour to get him inside the shop and settled in a chair.

I have to admit to having days when I’m tired of explaining Jon to people so it’s comforting to go back to a place where he’s already understood. Everyone just does their thing until Jon’s ready and no one freaks out because he’s messing up the schedule.

There was a new receptionist behind the counter this visit which caused me to sigh internally as I came through the door. I knew I’d have explaining to do…again.

Jon was still out by the car fooling with the door handle, so she looked at me oddly. This was a barbershop after all.

Me: “Hi. My son, Jon, needs a haircut today.”

Her: “OK,” looking around, “so where is he?”

Me: “He’s out there.” I point to the parking lot.

Her: “Is he coming in?”

Me: “Eventually. He moves pretty slow. He has Down syndrome and autism.”

Her: “Is he OK out there by himself? Should I go get him?”

Me: (Internal sighing and so wanting to do some eye rolling) “He’s fine. I’m watching him from here.”

Her: “How old is he.”

Me: “33”

Her: “Wow. You’ve been doing this a long time then?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Her: “Well, OK let me check. Both barbers have appointments so we won’t be able to fit him in until 12:30.”

Me: “That’s alright. He won’t be ready to sit down until then anyway…maybe.”

Her: “Really? That’s over an hour from now.” She continued staring at the computer screen, fussing over appointments and schedules and how to fit Jon in.

She didn’t get it. As one of my good friends likes to say, she hadn’t been ‘Jon-a-tized’ yet.

Being Jon-a-tized is defined as the state of being educated and familiar with the way Jon does life until you accept him for who he is and how his existence in your life (even for limited time periods) affects you.

Everyone who comes into contact with Jon at any level of interaction is being Jon-a-tized.

He shuffled through the door about fifteen minutes later and headed straight for the bathroom. He was in there for nearly thirty minutes.

I was sitting on a stool underneath a huge flat screen TV, attempting to ignore some sports anchor rambling on endlessly about a football player and reading a book on my Kindle app, when the receptionist walked by with a broom.

“He’s been in there a long time, is he OK?”

I smiled at her. “He’s fine.”

“I guess I see what you mean…about him.” She started sweeping hair into a small pile.

Jon did get a hair cut and shave. We had lunch in the Japanese Steakhouse next door and then went two doors down from there and had his nails clipped and cleaned.

In seven hours we managed to get a receptionist, a restaurant server and a nail technician with very broken English somewhat Jon-a-tized.

All in all, it was a pretty good day.

 

 

Author of My Story

chapter 1The main character in my novel is experiencing deep disappointment today.

She has just received a report that something she has been longing for and doing everything she can to facilitate, has not been a success. She is sad, discouraged and downcast.

Though she is despairing, I am not, because I am the author of the book. I am ordering her steps and writing her story and I know that I have a good end planned for her. It may not come in the time or way she wants but it is coming and as I write, I’m excited about the events and challenges unfolding along the way that will take her to a better end than she can know or understand at this moment.

If I could, I would tell her to trust me. I would tell her, don’t waste time and energy on despair because I already have it all worked out.

As I write my first novel, I’m gaining a greater understanding of who God is and how He works in my life.

I may not be experiencing immediate success in everything I planned for or even see how He is at work behind the scenes of my life.

My task as the main character in this unfolding drama of life, is to simply follow Him; trusting that He has a better plot line for my life than I could ever write on my own.

The Author wants this author to believe Him and finds a million ways a day to tell me…

…just trust.

The end is good.

Everything is going to turn out alright!

That is not fiction, that is fact.

Because God is the Author of my story.

Hebrews 12:1-2 “…let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith…”

Ecclesiastes 7:8  “The end of a thing is better than its beginning…

The Top Ten Emotions of Parents Raising Children with Disabilities

I’ve joined a Facebook page called PROWD (Parents Raising Offspring with Disabilities), that defines itself as being “birthed out of the needs of those involved in caring for children with special needs and disabilities. It is intended to be a “family” who support, network, and assist one another on their journey.”

It gives parents of children with disabilities a place to receive support and encouragement from each other, a place to share victories big and small, to unload and get real about the challenges caring for a disabled child brings without fear of judgment or criticism, a place to not be alone in our struggles, to swap treatments, coping skills, helpful ideas and to find other parents locally for forming personal relationships if desired.

Parents from all over, dealing with all types of disabilities and kids of all ages frequent this page. It is an online support group for people who expend so much time, energy and emotion on never-ending care, attending a literal support group would be impossible.

Recently someone on the page posed this question to parents: What is the primary emotion that outweighs all others in your household?

The following are the top ten out of one hundred and twenty eight responses:

Frustration 35

Love  20

Loneliness/Isolation17

Anger  16Woman-with-Out-of-Order-Sign-on-Head

Anxiety  16

Worry  14

Stress/Tension  13

Tired/Exhaustion  12

Fear  10

Overwhelmed  8

The majority of fear responses were related to the child’s future and what will happen when the parent is no longer able to care for him/her.

Some of the lesser rated responses were inadequacy, guilt, sadness, uncertainty, restricted and even depression. There were some positives as well: laughter, hopeful, thankful, proud, happy, peaceful and it was good to see love at the top of the list.

We love our kids no matter what other emotions raising them may evoke, but no one denies parenting is some of the hardest work we do in life. All parents feel all these emotions at various stages of the child rearing years. The commitment and dedication required is both relentless and rewarding.

For the parent of a disabled child, these emotions can be constant and life long. Some research studies have shown parents of kids with special needs are under the same stress as a combat soldier, especially in cases of severe autism or multiple diagnoses both medical and cognitive. These parents are often in a state of high alert, short on sleep and unable to take time off to relax and unwind.

The stress load is a recipe for disaster for caregivers who worry about everything except themselves.

If you’re out somewhere and see a child exhibiting poor behavior, don’t assume the child is just a “brat” and the parent isn’t doing their job. Give the benefit of a doubt and remember there may be more to the story than what you’re observing.

If you are blessed to know someone who parents a child with disabilities take a minute to encourage them. You needn’t tell them they’re special (usually not feeling that) or angels (usually not being that) or any of the other “cliche” statements often made, just give them a hug and tell them what a great job they’re doing.

And don’t forget to pray. Ask God to fill them with strength and endurance far beyond their own.

Your acknowledgement, encouragement and prayer could be the reinforcement that carries a struggling parent through another day.

Jon’s Organized Disorder

enter-at-your-own-riskJon has a dresser with no clothes in it, a book shelf with very few books on it, storage boxes for his DVDs that are filled with playing cards, string, sticks, old AA batteries (and other unrecognizable items), stuffed animals that are supposed to be in designated crates and a cabinet for his old VHS movies with all the shelves removed.

The shelves are on the floor and his videos are stacked on top of them.

DVDs and videos are piled on the floor like towers, here and there. Stuffed animals lie in wait to attack and the paper paraphernalia he collects is scattered everywhere: old mail, newspapers, ad flyers and catalogs removed from the recycle bin in the garage.

While my motto for home organization is, ‘A place for everything and everything in its place,’ Jon prefers the motto, ‘Everything all over the place.’

His favorite storage area is the floor. Walking through his room is like navigating an obstacle course. One misstep and either you or a teetering pile of…something…can come crashing down.

Even though it’s scary, it is necessary to venture into Jon’s room with the vacuum cleaner.

Since there’s no way to vacuum around his carefully stacked piles, everything has to be picked up. It takes close to an hour to empty the floor of its contents.

The clothes go back in the dresser.

The books go back on the shelf.

The DVDs go back in their storage boxes.

The shelves go back in the cabinet along with the videos.

The mountains of paper are thrown away.

The floor is clean and cleared for proceeding without fear of tripping, attack or injury.

And the room looks wonderfully neat and organized.

Within twenty four hours everything is back on the floor in the exact same place.

I’ve been fighting this silly battle a long time and there’s no winning. Some things just have to be accepted as they are.

So I’ve decided to close Jon’s bedroom door and get on with life.

We’re both so much happier.

 

Jon and the Disappearing Toilet Bowl Brushes

I don’t get Jon’s fascination for toilet bowl brushes but they keep vanishing.

Seems I’m always in the dollar store buying another one.

I have no idea where they go. Other than it’s proper use, what would a person do with a bowl brush?

The most recent one I bought was cradled in a white bowl shaped container. With a wish and a prayer that it might work, I printed a large Sharpie marker message on opposite sides,

“Please do not take! Need this for toilet cleaning.”image

It stayed under Jon’s bathroom sink longer than any previous but a few days ago when I went in there to clean it was missing. After looking around and not finding it, I retrieved a brush from another bathroom to get the job done.

Sunday afternoon Jon came out of his room with bags packed – a small computer bag on wheels and a plastic grocery bag stuffed to bursting.

He went out on the pool deck, parked them in the corner by the screen door and came back in the house, was distracted by something else and forgot they were out there.

So did I, until Monday night.

Mike couldn’t find his iPad and when he went in Jon’s room to look for it, he discovered Jon’s iPad was missing.

Mike came back through the kitchen, his own iPad in hand.

“Do you know where Jon’s iPad is? it’s not in his room. That’s probably why he took mine.”

“No, I have no idea where it would be.”

As I was answering, I immediately remembered the bags left outside, and it was pouring down rain and had been for about ten minutes!

I shot through the kitchen like the house was on fire. “Oh no! I bet it’s outside!

Mike watched me run to the pool deck into the downpour and return with Jon’s dripping wet bags.

We found his iPad and the toilet bowl brush squished along side a bottle of mouthwash, a toothbrush, a shower squeegee, his karate jacket, a roll of scotch tape, a pair of binoculars, the remote to his TV, a few of his favorite DVDs, and several other miscellaneous items.

I don’t know where he thought he was going.

He hadn’t packed a single pair of underwear but where ever it was…at least he was planning on having a clean toilet when he arrived.

 

 

 

Flying With Jon-Why I Don’t

People frequently ask why I don’t bring Jon along when I travel.

image

First of all, I’m not a huge fan of airplanes or anything related to them. The entire process of flight, including airports and all that goes on inside them, irritates me, but that is only one reason why adding my son to the flying equation is not the best plan.

About five years ago I decided to take a summer trip to Maine to visit friends.

These friends are considered family in every way and are ‘adopted’ grandparents to our boys. Jon adores them so I decided to bring him along. It was the first time I’d flown alone with him in a long time.

By some miracle we arrived at the airport in plenty of time to get through security and to our gate. I checked our luggage and had a shoulder bag and a small backpack for myself and a larger one for Jon to carry on. I requested pre-board given Jon’s tendency to freeze up when jostled or rushed in a crowd.

The security line was a disaster. Jon’s methodical slowness held everyone up.

He didn’t want to take his shoes off and his pockets, which I had made certain were empty when leaving the house, were full of the random items he removed from his bag on the way to the airport; sticks, string, cards, small toys, metal objects that set off alarms and a whole pile of whatnots that are important only to him.

The more everyone tried to hurry him the more resistant he became and before long went into his classic, scowling ‘freeze’ mode, which interpreted means, “I’m upset, I’m not moving and you won’t make me.”

We were finally pulled out of line and an attempt was made to pat him down. My warnings to the TSA folks about his aversion to being touched fell on deaf ears.

After a full thirty minutes or more of this frustration, it was finally determined Jon was not a terrorist, just a grumpy dude. He was waned, got his shoes back on, retrieved his precious, miscellaneous trinkets that had been scrutinized like terrorist tools and we were on our way to the gate.

Very slo..o..o..o..w..ly of course.

We stopped at the food court to purchase a meal and drink. There had been no time for breakfast before leaving the house and food would help keep Jon preoccupied during the flight.

Much time had already been used up getting through security so I hurried Jon as best I could, at turtle speed, toward the gate.

I could see the gate on the horizon. We were almost there! Relief flooded through me.

Suddenly Jon dropped his backpack at my feet and shuffled to the right, disappearing into the men’s restroom.

With a sigh and my foot, I slid his backpack to the wall. Saddled with all the carry-ons and a bag full of McDonalds including an oversized, wilting drink cup, I leaned against the wall to wait.

I waited…checked the time and waited…checked the time again and waited.

Twenty minutes had gone by! Then thirty!

I asked several men going in the restroom to check on him for me and “Please tell him to hurry up.”

Each one came back out to report that Jon’s feet were still visible under the locked stall door and my request had been rewarded with silence.

More time passed and I was getting antsy, downright anxious, when I heard the call for our plane to commence boarding.

Oh no!

We were NOT going to miss this plane!

Leaving our bags unattended, I walked to the entrance of the men’s room and yelled,

“Zip it up guys, I’m coming in. Gotta’ get my son outa’ here before we miss our flight!”

I proceeded into the restroom at tornado speed past a wall full of startled males and as I breezed by, keeping my eyes glued to Jon’s feet beneath the handicap stall door, announced,

“Sorry guys, got a husband and two sons, including this one I have to get out of here. Ain’t nothing in here I haven’t seen before.”

I banged on the stall door.

“Jon the plane is boarding. You have to come NOW!”

No answer. His feet moved to the back of the stall.

“Jon we are going to miss this plane if you don’t come out RIGHT NOW.”

My voice was rising in exponential decibels along with my blood pressure.

Silence.

The door remained locked.

Down I went on all fours and crawled underneath, while the few men who hadn’t fled the room, gawked at the spectacle like one would watch a car wreck.

I unlocked the stall door and grabbed Jon by the collar. He flailed and stomped trying to get away from me as I moved to his rear and booted his behind with my knee, then steered him out to where I’d left the carry-on bags.

Remarkably everything was right where I’d left it.

Jon was too upset to help me carry anything and I was too riled up to care. I threw all the bags over my shoulders, grabbed his lunch and drink and herded him like a runaway sheep to the waiting plane.

By the time I got Jon settled into his seat and collapsed into mine, he was madder than a cornered hornet and I was near tears and so drained the only place I wanted to go was home.

Two weeks later, following more crazy Jon scenarios that took place during our visit, the return flight was only slightly less stressful.

I wanted so much for Jon and I to have great time together on that trip but came home exhausted and told Mike I was never traveling alone with Jon again.

And I haven’t.

What was I thinking?

It stands to reason that a guy who takes four hours to eat two slices of pizza might have a hard time adhering to an airline’s schedule.

In matters of sanity, I can’t allow my heart to win out over reason.

As much as I love spending time with my son, I’ve figured out some activities just aren’t worth the extra stress and tension they create.

Traveling is one of them.

 

 

 

 

 

A Tale of Two Kingdoms

noaccessDisney has changed it’s theme park leniency for disabled guests because of the behavior of a few able bodied folks who decided to exploit the kindness extended to those who rely on it.

Apparently families with disposable income have been hiring disabled people or those who pretend they are, to take advantage of Disney’s policy, allowing disabled guests to move to the front of attraction and ride lines.

http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2013-09-27/business/os-disney-disabled-guests-policy-20130926_1_walt-disney-world-radiator-springs-racers-disney-california-adventure

It’s been a few years since we’ve visited  Disney’s Kingdom, but when our boys were young we went frequently. It was one of the perks of living in Central Florida.

Jon who walks agonizingly slow, could handle about an hour on his feet, before he’d had enough and would plunk down on a sidewalk, in the middle of a walkway or a long line, refusing to get up. A few times we had to circle him to keep him from being trampled.

He also gets irritated when jostled in a crowd and would bolt to find a quiet corner of refuge until everyone around him disappeared and we missed show times and ride starts because of it.

Eventually, we decided to rent a wheelchair and later bought one to bring along, which made our outings to Disney more fun and hassle free. The wheelchair got Jon and us through the park faster and the ability to go to the front of the line helped us avoid Jon’s crowd aversion.

Under Mickey’s new policy, families are now going to have to go to Fast Pass kiosks and come back to events at start times. For families who have kids with mental delays, autism and medical issues this could be the tipping point of a “just not worth it” way to spend a day.

Paying hefty per person admission has been a bad deal for most of our families who usually can’t spend an entire day at the park anyway. We’re fortunate to get several hours in before an issue that is part of our normal every day life forces an exit. This add-on will only delay already precious time.

For some, ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’ might not be as happy as it once was thanks to a few who used something not meant for them to their own advantage.

Disney has taken the posture of the school teacher who punishes the whole class for what one kid did. But many policies of business, government, public systems and service have originated from the abuse of a few and prove the far and wide ripple effect our actions have on others.

It’s not fair. Unfortunately is it not unusual, and originates back to the beginning of time.

All the way back to the Garden of Eden.

Romans 5:18-19 tells us, “..just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.”

The sin condition started with the disobedience of Adam and Eve and all of us were affected.

Jesus came to cure us, to offer a way out, a solution, an escape.

I doubt The Magic Kingdom will budge on this new policy change. Their interest in profits will outweigh the needs of their disabled customers.

But the top priority of Jesus is people. Me and you. He came to rescue the sick and the lost.

His life, death, resurrection and ascension, enacted a divine policy for free admission and an eternal pass to hang out in God’s Kingdom.

No waiting in line. No disability. No wheelchairs. No pain. No crying. No guilt. No shame.

No worries about missing out or someone stealing our place in line.

And to think, all we have to do is believe in Him. Because of Christ we are special, we are loved, we are blessed.

I have my admission ticket.

How about you?

“…the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23

, “For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.” Luke 19:10

, “… the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28

 

 

 

More Than You Can Bear – Part 3 – No Where Else To Go

What am I to do when the circumstances of life become more than I can bear; when rising from my bed in the morning is like climbing a mountain and putting one foot in front of the other is exhausting, painful, overwhelming; when questions assault me on every side, my mind becomes a windstorm of thoughts, tears flow like rivers and my heart is broken?43966153

I had to know.

So I asked.

I found a simple, yet most difficult answer.

Trust.

Do I believe in a God who can heal? Absolutely. I’ve seen and experienced healing and know He can and still does.

Do I believe in a God who can miraculously deliver me out of trouble? Definitely. I’ve encountered that in my own life and the lives of others.

Do I have faith for instant miracles? No question. All I need is faith the size of a mustard seed. I sweep dust from my kitchen floor bigger than that.

Do I believe God is sovereign and I won’t always understand His ways?  Yes. So my mission is simply to believe Him, to trust Him.

No matter what.

To trust I am loved. Romans 8:38-39 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

To trust I am never on my own.  Matthew 28:20 I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Hebrews 13:5  “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

To trust in the darkest place. Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

To trust He has a plan for me.  Jeremiah 29:11 I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Philippians 6:6… being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it.

To trust He will bring me through. Isaiah 43:1-3 Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

To trust He knows what I need. John 6:68 “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

I have nowhere else to go. I’ve searched everywhere. No one, nothing, provides the answers I want or need.

It is only Christ who proves strong in my weakness, mighty in my suffering.

 “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.” Psalm 103:13-14

Jesus walked where I walk, He felt what I feel. He experienced the wide range of emotions life on Earth brings.

He knows my frame, how I’m put together and what makes me tick.

He knows without Him I’m nothing but a pile of dust.

He lived, died and resurrected to fill the breach between Heaven and Earth. He did all that for me.

When I’m weary, broken, my faith is small and my hope is almost extinguished, Jesus sees and hears.

Compassion overtakes him.

I imagine Him, sitting to the right of the Father, his nail scared hands resting on the arms of the throne room chair.

He leans into God’s ear and pleads my case, reminding His Dad that it’s not easy being here, being human.

He rehearses what it was like to come to Earth and wear the same flesh suit I wear, walking this hard, dusty ground; totally immersed in what it is to be one of us; hungry, tired, thirsty, in pain, rejected, despairing, alone.

He understands I’m having a hard time, struggling under the weight of my affliction, breaking under the heaviness of my pain and pleads with the Father to provide extra mercy, a little more grace, to pour out some additional love from His endless supply; reassuring the hosts of Heaven that I’ll come around.

I’ll be alright.

When it’s all said and done I will come out of the furnace refined like pure gold, shining a little more like the beautiful gem that I was made to be.

This adversity will transform me, “for I know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.”Romans 8:28

I’ll say like Joseph, “..you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good.“ Genesis 50:20

I’ll say with Apostle Paul,” But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God.” 2 Corinthians 1:9

In everything.

At all times.

And especially when life is too hard to bear.

In God I will trust.

 

“When there’s no getting over that rainbow, when my smallest of dreams won’t come true I can take all the madness the world has to give, but, I won’t last a day without you.” ~ From the song, ‘I Won’t Last A Day Without You’ by The Carpenters~

2 Corinthians 4:7-10, 17-18 “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body…For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”.

  2 Corinthians 12:8-10 “Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

 

More Than You Can Bear – Part 2 – What Kind of God is He Anyway?

Sisyphean toil (3d isolated characters on white background series)The faulty premise of being told, “God won’t give more than you can bear,” eventually brought me to a place of confusion, guilt and even condemnation.

I didn’t understand why I was crushed, overwhelmed, barely able to breathe? Why wasn’t I stronger, more in control in the midst of my misery and heartache? Where was my faith?

Believing this about God leads to several flawed conclusions:

  • He sits on His throne handing out adversity to those He sees as tough enough to get through it. Does God look down on me and say, “That one there, see her? She’s a tough cookie. Give her the disabled kid and chronic illness. She can handle it.”
  • He randomly tosses out varieties of affliction upon the earth and wherever it lands it lands. Does God have an Affliction Lottery Machine He draws from or a Wheel of Misfortune He spins until my name comes up? Whatever category it lands on is what I get to deal with in life?

I don’t think so.

Who wants to believe in a God like that? That makes Him no different than other gods men have fabricated throughout history.

God’s original intention for man NEVER included suffering. He created us and Earth in perfection. One result of living in a fallen, sin-filled, broken world is hardship and adversity.

He also created man with the ability to choose. Sometimes our adversity is at the hand of others and we become victims of man’s free will; the spouse who leaves, the prodigal child, the friend who betrays or the child who is abused, kidnapped, murdered, the family killed by a drunk driver, the people who are maimed and die by a suicide bomber.

Other times suffering is the result of our fallen and cursed earth; natural disasters such as flood, tornadoes, mudslides, hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, fire, illness, disability and death.

And still other afflictions come from our own decisions; addictions, bad habits and attitudes, faulty thinking, poor diet, lack of exercise, rest, discipline and self control.

When my son was young and recited the classic child disclaimer, “But it’s not fair!” my reply was always, “Sorry kid, I was there the day you arrived. When the midwife put you in my arms, I checked you over from head to toe. I never saw a sticker on your behind that said you were exempt from the unfairness of life.”

There are many in scripture who were overwhelmed by misery and suffering. If it’s true that God won’t give us more than we can bear, He better apologize to these folks.

Job – “Why is life given to a man like me? God hasn’t told me what will happen to me. He has surrounded me with nothing but trouble. I sigh instead of eating food. Groans pour out of me like water.What I was afraid of has come on me. What I worried about has happened to me. I don’t have any peace and quiet. I can’t find any rest. All I have is trouble.” Job 3:23-26

David – “Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.”

Apostle Paul – “For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, ofthe affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.” 2 Corinthians 1:8

Hebrews Faith Heroes – “And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment: They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented…they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth. And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise…” Hebrews 11:36-39.

Yes, even Jesus – “ And he [Jesus] was withdrawn from them about a stone’s cast, and kneeled down, and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but yours be done.’ And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was great drops of blood falling down to the ground” Luke 22:41-44

Existence on Planet Earth is often an exercise in our definitions of unfairness. We all experience cycles of joy and pain, laughter and sorrow, contentment and frustration, peace and unrest. No one is exempt from tasting the full range of circumstances life doles out.

Jesus said, “In the world you will have tribulation…” John 16:33 and “He [God] makes His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust,” Matthew 5:45.

So I figured something out. Stuff happens, good and bad.

We all get some and like everyone else, I get my share of each.

Now what to do with it?

If you’re discouraged about all this, don’t be. I’ve saved the good news for last.

Scroll down for part three…’No Where Else to Go.’

 

 

 

 

More Than You Can Bear – Part 1 – The Premise

In 1979 Mike and I had been married four years and had just returned to our home town in upstate New York from Portland, Oregon. We were fresh out of Bible college; our heads were stuffed with theology and our hearts were stuffed with hope. We were ready to turn the world upside down for Christ.

We took the volunteer position of youth pastor at our home church and settled in to see what God had planned for chapter two of our love story.

Little did I know that the next three years were about to test everything I believed or thought I knew. Our first child, Jonathan, was born with Down syndrome, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, Mike was diagnosed with toxic neuropathy, and my Jesus loving dad had a nervous breakdown and landed in the psyche ward.

My well ordered little life suddenly swirled out of control.

I was devastated, crushed, overwhelmed, and angry and questioned, prayed and sobbed, demanding answers.

I reminded God of my “do good” list, how I’d spent my entire life in church, never smoked, did drugs, only drank alcohol once in high school, and was still a ‘good’ girl when I married, then moved all the way across country and back so my husband could go to Bible school.

For some unknown reason, God had piled way more than I could handle on us, and I didn’t know what to do about any of it.

There’s this thing that’s been gnawing at me for years, like a pebble in my shoe on a long walk.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the verse from 1 Corinthians 10:13 quoted to me and others who are over whelmed by suffering, trials, sickness, death and loss beyond their control.

“God won’t give you more than you can bear.” Sisyphean toil (3d isolated characters on white background series)

I’d heard it, believed it and even said it, but something wasn’t adding up. It seemed to me that plenty of people, in the Bible, in history and in my own life faced hardships far greater than is humanly possible to endure.

I decided to study this verse out, instead of just believing what I had always been told, (see my post ‘My Favorite Love Story’: https://aplacecalledspecial.com/2013/08/29/my-favorite-love-story/ for more on that).

What I found was revealing. This passage isn’t talking about suffering and affliction at all, it’s referring to the temptation of sin.

In context, Apostle Paul explains how the Israelites complained in the wilderness, worshiped idols, indulged in revelry, committed sexual immorality and tested God with their grumbling.

According to Brother Paul, their hearts were set on evil and as a result, some of them were killed by snakes and a destroying angel. (1 Corinthians 10:6-10)

He follows that with: “These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the culmination of the ages has come. So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:11-13.

After this, Paul immediately addresses the subject of idolatry and what is lawful but not necessarily edifying behavior. At no point in this passage is there any reference to trials of affliction or suffering.

The word tempted or temptation used here comes from the same Greek word which means to test, entice, prove, scrutinize, or examine and is used in the following verses to give confirmation of the same meaning.

Matthew 4:1 “then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.”

Matthew 6:13 “…and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”

Luke 22:45-46 “When He [Jesus] rose up from prayer, and had come to His disciples, He found them sleeping from sorrow. Then He said to them, “Why do you sleep? Rise and pray, lest you enter into temptation.”

Hebrews 4:15 “For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.”

James 1:13-15 “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempts he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.’’

God does not tempt us to sin, EVER, but when we are tempted He is right there, providing a way out, strengthening us so we don’t give in.

Jesus was the only one on earth who withstood the temptation of sin. By His sacrifice on the cross and by His example, we have everything we need to resist sin and also be forgiven when we succumb to its pull and power.

As Christ followers, our greatest enemies are the world, our own flesh and the devil (Ephesians 2:1-3).

All three seem hell bent (pun intended) on destroying us, so next time you are tempted to sin remember this, say this: “God is not tempting me beyond what I can bear but has provided a way of escape.”

Based on my new understanding of this passage, I had just wiped one of our most used Christian clichés off the radar screen and had to come face to face with God and the problem of suffering.

OK, so now what?

What are we to do when our pain is greater than we can humanly bear and how do we justify that with a loving God?

Scroll down for part two….’What Kind of God is He Anyway?’