Category Archives: Family Life

My Homeschooling Discovery

gradI wrote this in 2007, the year our youngest son graduated from high school after years of homeschooling. He went off to college and is married now. If there’s anything I could say to homeschooling parents, I’d just want you to know that it’s worth it.

You can do this and it’s worth it!

I took our son, David, for his final home school evaluation.  Twelve years of hard work and endurance coming to a close.

I never meant to home school from beginning to end, it rather evolved from year to year.  I went into it reluctantly at first, feeling inadequate and overwhelmed, believing I did not have what it takes to teach my children all the things they need to know. 

But along the way we learned so much together, not just about math, science, history and grammar but about relationships, cooperation, flexibility, diligence, sacrifice, character and many other important life lessons. I learned a lot about myself.   It has been an amazing journey.

A seventy year old acquaintance once told me she was too old to learn anything new and didn’t want to be bothered with it anymore.  “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks,” she said. 

I disagree.   As long as there is breath in us there will always be another discovery around the next corner, something new to try, uncover, understand and add to our brain cells and resume.

Learning is an everyday, entire life experience and isn’t confined to an age, a room, a book or answers spit back out onto a test page.  Learning is not limited to eight hours days, five days a week, one hundred and eighty days a year. 

In homeschooling we discovered the joy of spending time together figuring out answers to things we did not know, taking advantage of the tangents and tributaries of topics and subjects we found interesting and turning the events of every day living into teaching opportunities. 

It is now my firm belief; children do not need teachers or adults in their lives who know everything.  Children need to observe adults still loving the challenge of taking on something new and digging for answers to the next question. 

Children need to know how to find answers for themselves so a love for life long learning is maintained.

There were schooling and child raising days that seemed long and hard but now that it is done, the speed of the passing years has left me surprised and emotionally unprepared for how happily fulfilled yet sad I feel all at the same time. 

The flash cards, math games and bug boxes have been given away, the book shelves loaded with text books, notebooks and reading books are empty, the containers of categorized sea shells are no more.  College looms in the very near future where our son will test his learning skills in a whole new environment. 

Raising children is a lot like reading a good long novel, you can’t wait to get to the end to see how it turns out, until you read the last page, flip the back cover shut and feel a wave of disappointment because the story, so intriguing and full of twists and turns, is over. 

There may be a bit of sadness that this story is over but there is no regret for how it ends.  I will look back on these years for the rest of my days with satisfaction and joy.  I gave it my best and, in spite of me and maybe even because of me, our son turned out alright. 

Now that we have closed the book on this stage of life, I wonder what new challenge and discovery waits just ahead, certainly something new to marvel at or to uncover.  I hope to prove that a willing old dog can continue to learn new tricks and getting older doesn’t have to be boring. 

In the meantime, I will be thankful every moment after David has left home for all the good years we had learning together.  No matter where he goes or what he ends up doing, nothing can change the bond that those years formed between us. 

And when I think about that, I understand what the phrase ‘no regret’ really means!

Family Night Out With Jon

As Jonathan gets older it seems he wants to go out less. But on this particular day, he manages to get himself dressed in something he hasn’t slept in the night before and decides to be a member of society at large.

Mike and I wait in the car about twenty minutes while Jon gathers a paraphernalia of items he likes to bring along when he goes anyplace; odds and ends of sticks, string, old shoe laces tied together, toy swords, a glove for one hand, an old cell phone, used chop sticks or whatever strikes his mood for the day.

He eventually gets in the car, but not until he stands next to it with the door open for several minutes allowing all the air conditioning to escape into the ninety three degree humidity. He slowly eases his behind inside and settles onto the seat.

Now we are sweating. Another minute or two goes by until he shuts the door.

I notice he has no shoes on, so to hurry things along, one of us goes back in the house to find them.

At last everyone is in the car and a collective sigh of relief ensues. We are, however, not ready to leave the driveway just yet.

Jon doesn’t talk much, not to us or anyone else (he will, however, talk to himself for hours on end), so he writes notes.

His notes are similar to Egyptian hieroglyphics. He prints words like they must sound in his brain, which include some backward letters, missing vowels and consonants. He will start sentences in the center or at the extreme right edge of the paper and quickly run out of room. From there the words can go anywhere – above, below, even vertical and as they pile up and around each other, it becomes almost impossible to decipher their meaning.

It takes a specialist trained in decoding ancient languages to figure out what his message means. We are working toward greater proficiency all the time.

After struggling for about five minutes or more to translate his cryptic communication, we figure out that he wants steak and shrimp. No better place for that than Outback Steakhouse, especially since Mike is an avid steak lover.

The seat belt is the next issue. We should refuse to leave until he puts it on but this can add another five to ten minutes to our wait time. By now we are over an hour into this dinner out and haven’t even left the house yet!

As we head down the driveway and out of our neighborhood, I silently thank auto makers for indicator alarms in twenty first century cars. We know from experience that after the seat belt signal beeps at least ten times at thirty second intervals, Jon will comply with its demand. He is not a big fan of loud repetitive sounds.

Finally we are on our way!

Most people drive to their destination, park their car and get out of it immediately. I know this because I have lots of time to watch them do it. Most people are usually in a hurry to get where they are going but Jon is not most people. It takes him forever to get in the car on the leaving end and just as long to get out of it on the arriving end.

His slower than turtle speed can be maddening if you’re on a schedule. We try to ignore time all together when out with him and think in terms of eternity. On this day, however, car exiting is going to be longer than usual, if that’s even possible.

Mike pulls the car into a parking space near the restaurant door and informs me he is going inside to get us a table.

“OK,” I say, “I’ll be in with Jon as soon as he get’s moving.”

We both know what that means. No sense in everyone suffering through waiting for Jon. Sometimes Mike waits, sometimes I do. We attempt to be fair about it and take turns.

The temperature inside the car begins a quick ascent back up to ninety. I sigh and lay my head on the seat back, watching people pull in, turn off their cars, jump out and disappear into the restaurant.

I’m thinking, Wonder what that’s like?

The elderly man with the walker is moving faster than us. Jon hasn’t budged an inch yet, has barely blinked.

I talk to myself: Just be happy that you don’t have to cook dinner tonight, Diane. Stay calm, be thankful.

The car is heating up so I open my door. Jon is finally rustling around and that’s a good sign, a start at least.

He reaches down to the floor in front of him and up comes a long length of thick, black shoelaces knotted together, which he begins to tie high around his waist. After fumbling with that for a few minutes a piece of red nylon netting appears (used as a chair float when fitted over a swimming pool noodle). Jon throws the netting over his left shoulder and tucks the corners underneath his shoestring belt in front and back.

Over the right shoulder goes a power chord unplugged from a piece of electronic equipment in his room. He tucks that under his belt too. Then he puts a bright orange visor on his head and a piece of stiff, bright red ribbon is pushed inside it just above his right ear. It’s protruding straight up like a singular antler over his head. Lastly, another piece of red ribbon is tied on his left ankle over top of his bleached white sock.

I watch all this in increasing disbelief, as each weird item is added, thinking there is no way on earth I’m getting out of the car with him in that getup! After living with Jon all these years it takes a lot to embarrass me but I still have a miniscule thread of dignity left.

At least twenty minutes has passed now and he’s ready to get out of the car. He does a final recheck on all his gear and reaches for the door handle. I abruptly pop the power lock button down.

“Jon, there is no way you are going in there with me, looking like that. It’s not Halloween today you know.”

Immediately his body stiffens and his face turns to the all familiar scowl which indicates he is not in agreement with my opinion. From there the power struggle begins. I spend the next twenty minutes attempting to talk him out of wearing his ‘costume’ into the Outback Steakhouse, going so far as removing some items off his person while he attempts to grab them and put them back on.

We’ve been in the car close to forty minutes now and our skirmish isn’t over yet.  I’m sweaty and hungry. My cell phone rings. It’s Mike.

“Why is it taking so long for you guys to get in here? “He asks, “I’ve already ordered the appetizer.”

Really?  You’re asking me this question AND eating appetizer without me?!

“It’s a long story,” I try to bury the irritation in my voice, “But if you want to come out here and see what he looks like you’ll know why. Hang tight, I’m hoping we’ll be in soon”

I finally manage to talk Jon out of the shoulder wear, which I stuff in the back seat pocket, hoping for an out of sight out of mind moment, and decide if I ever want to eat we can live with everything else.

The shoestring belt, the ankle ribbon and the orange visor with the ribbon planted in it are still intact.

We get out of the car and I quietly slip up behind Jon, carefully removing his red ribbon ‘antler’ hoping he won’t notice. No such luck. He spins around and glares at me.

“Sorry, Jon, but you look a little bit crazy with that thing sticking out of your head. You can wear it when we get back in the car.”

I shove the ribbon in my pocket and the scowl returns to his face. Jon freezes momentarily and I can see the wheels whirring as he attempts to process what he’s going to do about me, this annoying mother who keeps messing up his wardrobe plan.

At last he turns and starts walking along the front of the building. As he heads toward the door, he reaches down into the shrubs and snatches the longest piece of thick, red bark mulch he sees, returns to an upright position and triumphantly shoves it in his visor where the ribbon was, just above his right ear.

Now I’m glaring at him!

I throw my hands up in the air, “I surrender,” I say out loud to no one in particular and then to Jon, “Come on let’s go eat.”

We eat dinner with the shoestring belt, ankle ribbon and bark mulch visor, but the story doesn’t really end here. It never does.

What happens once we are actually inside the restaurant is a tale for another time. But let it go on record that on this particular day we leave our driveway around 4:30 pm and we arrive home around 10:30 pm.

The only place we visit is the Outback Steakhouse, which is fifteen minutes from our house.

A word of warning to anyone who might want to join us for an evening out, when we bring Jon along, better come in your own car!

 

 

What’s Wrong With My Christmas?

Here it is two weeks before the big day and I’ve managed to hang a wreath on the front door.

That’s it.

Mike and David brought the tree down from the shelf in the garage after Thanksgiving and it stayed on the front room floor in the storage bag for over a week.

It’s been upright in the usual family room spot for four days now, with lights attached but only because they are built into the tree, certainly not because I put them there.

Christmas cards were just ordered two days ago. I hope they come in time.

I’ve done very little shopping and honestly I’m just not feeling it this year – all the external trappings of the Christmas Season.

When our boys were young there was an air of excitement as Christmas approached. I reveled in the cooking, shopping, trimmings, secrets and anticipation.

And I was a perfectionist.

I tried to teach the kids how to decorate the tree so it looked balanced. You know, all the holes filled in between branches and ornaments symmetrically displayed all the way around.

I think about that now and hope I didn’t take all the fun out of it.

Packages were wrapped in matching paper with homemade bows and hand designed gift tags.

Christmas dinner was a Thanksgiving repeat – huge and amazing.

Mike’s self appointed job has always been to put up the tree, make sure the lights work, then sit on the sofa and watch the kids and I embellish it.

He stopped helping me hang ornaments after our first Christmas together, as I came behind him and moved every ornament he put on, to a different place.

Now, I think I’d be thrilled if he and Jon hung all the decorations on the same side of the tree while I sat and watched.

When I ask Jon, my perpetually moody, thirty-plus-year-old-teenager if he’d like to help, he looks at me like I have three eyes in the middle of my forehead and walks away. (He will, however, be very interested in opening the gifts underneath this undecorated tree. 🙂 )

David and Clara won’t be here for Christmas. They’re going to be with her family this year (as they should), so no incentive there.

Someone please tell me I’m not turning into a Grinch or maybe Scrooge!

The good news, in my tale of Christmas woe, is the Jesus of Christmas is dearer to me than ever.

We have come to the end of another year and my heart is decorated with blessings, warmth and the joy of His overwhelming love.

Life is not perfect. There are struggles, frustrations and annoyances, but Jesus has been and will continue to be my faithful friend and gentle shepherd.

As we celebrate this season of His Earth arrival, my heart grows two sizes larger at the thought of a Savior who came for me.

To rescue. To strengthen. To comfort. To cleanse. To change. To love.  ME.

So whether the halls are decked or not, that’s enough to make even this Grinch, want to celebrate!

Matthew 1:23 “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel (which means‘God with us’).”

 

Confessions of an Imperfect Mom

I yelled at my son last night. EX34C_C_YellingLady

I’m not a screamer, never have been. After growing up in a home of constant yelling, I vowed that I would not be that wife or mom.

But on rare occasions that vow hits an expiration date and this Jesus loving, pastor’s wife, overtime mom – YELLS! Yep, that’s right. Now you know (sorry to disappoint all those who tell me I’m the most patient person in the world).

Jon wanted to ride along to my chiropractor appointment yesterday afternoon. He patiently waited for me in the car and then we headed to one of his favorite hangouts – McD’s and the golden arches.

We ordered and settled in a booth at the back of the dining room. For a long while I preoccupied myself with my laptop, doing some reading and working on some writing, until I started feeling sleepy and decided to check the time.

If you’re a habitual reader of my adventures with Jon, you know that he is an extremely slow (among other things) eater. I’m not talking about regular slow or even irregular slow but the kind of slow that can get you top honors in the Guinness World Book of Records.

I couldn’t believe it, it was midnight! We’d been there for six hours. No wonder my eyes were shutting.

“Jon,” I said, “we need to leave now. We’ve been here too long and I’m falling asleep. I’ll throw away the trash. Please get your things together, and let’s get out of here.”

Unfortunately, Jon wanted to stay. The next twenty minutes consisted of various forms of me insisting and him resisting.

He wouldn’t get up at first. When he finally did, he tried bolting to the front of the building but I blocked him. With a half full cup of caramel latte in one hand and a partially eaten burger in the other, he went out the side door and started down the sidewalk in the opposite direction of where the car was parked.

I went after him and eventually herded him to the car, opened the door and very firmly instructed him to get in.

At this point, I so wanted to be home and Jon was feeling cornered and angry.

He bent over the seat and slammed his caramel latte into the center console cup holder so hard it exploded like a volcano all over the inside of the car. Sticky brown liquid dripped from the dash, down the side of the console onto the floor, ran inside the crevices of the console and splattered all over both front seats.

It was right there that I lost it. I exploded, just like that drink.

I put my hand on Jon’s shoulder, pushed him into the car and slammed the door.

Then he listened to hot lava erupt from my mouth most of the way home.

Today, the emotion of that moment has faded and I’m aware of my inappropriate reaction. I have apologized to him.

Jon doesn’t possess the ability to realize how his actions affect those around him so he won’t apologize in return. He never does. 

Down syndrome limits some of his cognitive ability and autism doesn’t allow him to see past himself and into another’s heart. I know there will be no words or hugs from my son.

But none of that matters. I apologized to him because that is how relationships work, because I love him, and regardless of how frustrating his behaviors can be, because it’s the right thing to do.

God doesn’t ask perfect people to do His work of loving others, only willing hearts are needed. I have learned to quickly forgive and ask for forgiveness (whether it is granted or not) and move on.

Jon may push my buttons once in a while, but more importantly, I know how to push the Mercy reset button every morning, because God’s unending mercies, faithfulness and love are what Jon and I count on to bring us through another day of our unusual life together.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV) “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

 

The Hunter and The Bear – a parable of miscommunication

hunter bear copyA Hunter and a Bear were walking through the woods when they came upon each other.

The Hunter was afraid.

He raised his rifle and shouted, “I want to have you for dinner!”

The Bear was afraid.

He reared up on his back legs and roared, “I want to have you for breakfast!”

The Hunter fired but missed, then both turned and ran away.

The Hunter went home and told his friends, “I tried to invite the Bear over for dinner, but he threatened to attack me.”

The Bear went home and told his friends, “I tried to invite The Hunter over for breakfast but he tried to shoot me.”

The Hunter and The Bear could have been friends, but they were not clear when they communicated their wishes to each other.

People don’t always say exactly what they mean and we don’t always hear exactly what they are trying to say.

Before taking offense, stay calm, ask questions, repeat what you think you heard, clarify and make sure you understand precisely what is being said.

Doing this may rescue a potentially great relationship or save one you already have.

~Miscommunication: the failure to communicate clearly~

Proverbs 12:18 “Reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverbs 18:13 “He who answers before listening-that is his folly and shame.”

Proverbs 21:23 “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.”

 

The 7 Things 38 Years Have Taught Me

Aug 23 1975Most weddings my pastor husband, Mike, presides over include the favored reading of the qualities of love from 1 Corinthians 13.

My observance of these joyful ceremonies, finds me wondering if these young, love struck couples, holding hands and gazing deep into one another’s eyes, understand the words they are hearing and repeating.

I remember standing with Mike on our wedding day and wholeheartedly agreeing to that promise. Thirty eight years later I realize I had little to no comprehension what it really meant.

“Love is patient, kind, does not envy or boast, is not proud, does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no list of wrongs, does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth, always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres and never gives up.”

Sounds nice doesn’t it?

Wouldn’t happily-ever-after be more than a fairy tale if we showed up with all the Love Chapter qualities intact on our wedding day?

None of us do. We may be in love but we sure don’t know much about it yet.

When the fireworks of the honeymoon dissipate and life settles into routine joys, challenges and responsibilities, the truth of the Love Chapter comes to test, stretching and challenging us in ways we never imagined.

You may be at the start of your marriage journey or have already traveled the road for a long time.

Either way, I want to share a few things with you I’ve learned since Mike and I said “I Do,” thirty eight years ago today.

1. It’s Not All About You:

Ask a young dating or engaged couple what they love about their significant other. The reply is telling.

“He makes me happy.”

” I need her.”

“I don’t want to live without him.”

Many answers start with ‘I’ or refer to how the other person makes ‘me’ feel.

Most of us start marriage from a position of selfishness. I know I did.

I hope all of us experience an abundance of dizzying romance, exploding fireworks and breath taking passion in marriage but real love is deeper than heart thumping emotion.

Love is action. Love is putting the other person ahead of “me” when you would rather have it your way.

Love is sometimes hard to DO and even harder to BE. It doesn’t always feel good and it isn’t always easy.

The good news is God IS LOVE and He can help us learn the fine art of laying “me” aside when necessary and cheerfully considering the needs of another.

Emancipation from the jail of selfishness brings us into a freedom and joy we never imagined.

2. Make a Commitment to Stay:

You won’t always feel the overwhelming rush of emotion you’re experiencing right now. Feelings ebb and flow like the tide – in and out.

While Hollywood tells us, when the feeling is gone the love is gone, I Corinthians 13 portrays love as the sum of many decisions and actions instead of a feeling.

A relationship based solely on emotion stands on a shallow and shaky foundation.

As the days turn into years there are continuous choices to be made.

How will I treat those I say I love, especially when the goose bumps and warm fuzzy feelings are absent?

How will I apply love to my words and deeds, and by doing so become more than a sounding gong or clanging cymbal-just a lot of noise void of substance?

You might have a few mornings when you wake up, roll over, look at your spouse and forgot what it was you loved about them on your wedding day.

That’s OK. It’s normal!

Don’t panic. Don’t run. Don’t hide. Stick it out and work through it.

Learning to be married well doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a lifetime.

When you look back years later and say, “We’ve been through so much together, we’ve come far, we made it, and I still love you,” you’ll be glad you stayed and will have a deeper understanding of what REAL love is.

3. You Will Have Problems.

I wish we could get through life without problems but somewhere along the way they always show up. They add a dynamic to marriage that can bring you closer together or pull you apart.

We all respond in diverse ways to difficulty, so make allowances for the differences in your spouse’s reaction to illness, stress, loss, hardship. Don’t expect him/her to react the way you do to every situation.

God is wise in not revealing the future all at once.

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord” (Proverbs 37:23) means He reveals the plan and purpose one day at a time, one step at a time and promises to walk into it with us.

Do remember, God has grace great enough to get you and your marriage through anything.

If, as a couple, you are continually seeking His wisdom and trusting Him together, you will come out on the other side of your trials better and stronger than ever.

4. You Won’t Always Agree.

If you want to live with someone who agrees with you all the time, marry a mannequin.

You can dress it however you want. It will never gain weight, get wrinkles or gray hair and will always love your opinion because it will never have one!

We usually marry someone with a few brain cells and some thought process. This is good news, because they can add a whole new perspective to our way of seeing things IF we let them.

Listen and be open to your spouse’s point of view. You could actually learn something.

If you don’t agree on every point it’s not the end of the world or your relationship.

Learning how to disagree and still respect each other is an important key to keeping your marriage moving forward.

5. Learn to Compromise:

Though you may not agree on every point, you have to come to some sort of middle ground on the important stuff.

We bring different backgrounds and temperaments into marriage and coming to reasonable agreement as mature adults is a learned skill so don’t be discouraged and give up if you don’t handle this well the minute the ‘I Do’s’ are said.

Some negotiation and compromise are essential for two people to live together day in and out. It’s called being flexible!

Discernment and wisdom are required to know when to hold on or let go, speak or be quiet, give or take.

Remember that pouting or resorting to silence every time we have to give in a bit doesn’t win us admiration points with our spouse.

That’s what kids do. Remember we’re not kids anymore, we’re adults!

6. Laugh:

Here’s a good question to ask yourself; how much fun are you to be around?

Do you enjoy being with yourself? If the answer is no, others probably don’t want to hang around with you either.

Are you a moody, frowning, opinionated, nagging, critical, complaining, miserable person who pushes people away with a constant negative attitude?

What a HUGE turn off for a spouse who has to put up with you daily!!

Obviously we aren’t up all the time. Life can be difficult and throw challenges our way, some we don’t even see coming.

But finding joy in life, being a good listener and encourager, even wearing a smile goes a long way. It makes you and everyone inside your perimeter feel better.

In case you haven’t noticed, there’s plenty of humor in the everyday events of life. People are pretty funny creatures.

Even the things that cause stress can be funny if we look at them from another side.

Laughter is the most priceless thing in the world and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Having fun, being fun, doesn’t have to expensive but it is absolutely essential to a happy marriage.

7. Pray

Pray, pray and pray some more.

Oh and did I say PRAY?!

No one knows you or your spouse better that the One who created you.

God can give you keys to unresolved conflict, patience when you’ve run out, and ideas to keep your relationship fresh and fun.

He can help you see your spouse from His perspective and give you understanding about what makes them tick, why they do those things that make you crazy.

Once you receive God’s heart for your spouse, it’s easier to let go and just love them for who they are.

And if you pray together, better yet. It’s hard to stay mad at someone you pray with.

There’s something about love and prayer that strengthen each other and that’s really good for marriage.

So pray!

1 Corinthians 13

What if I could speak all languages of humans and of angels?
If I did not love others, I would be nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
What if I could prophesy and understand all secrets and all knowledge?
And what if I had faith that moved mountains? I would be nothing, unless I loved others.
What if I gave away all that I owned and let myself be burned alive?
I would gain nothing, unless I loved others.

Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or 5 rude.
Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered.
It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do.
Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.
Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
Love never fails!

Everyone who prophesies will stop, and unknown languages will no longer be spoken.
All that we know will be forgotten. We don’t know everything and our prophecies are not complete.
But what is perfect will someday appear, and what isn’t perfect will then disappear.

When we were children, we thought and reasoned as children do.
But when we grew up, we quit our childish ways.
Now all we can see of God is like a cloudy picture in a mirror. Later we will see him face to face.
We don’t know everything, but then we will, just as God completely understands us.

 For now there are faith, hope, and love.
But of these three, the greatest is love.

It’s In Jon’s Room!

In the late 1990s a children’s fantasy movie, The Borrowers, was released.   

The story, set in a home in England, features a family of tiny people who secretly live behind the walls and under the floor and ‘borrow’ items from the humans also living there. 

 I’m convinced they are real and live in our house. 

A few days ago, I reached for the broom I keep in the linen closet of the master bath, so I could sweep the floor after I dried my hair.

Gone.

I needed my kitchen scissors to open a bag of almonds.

Missing.

I looked in the drawer for the cheese slicer to serve some cheese and crackers with lunch.

Not there.

Useful items grow legs and disappear around here regularly.

A friend had been missing her reading glasses for several months. 

While she was visiting one day, Jon came out of his room with a pair of glasses on his head. 

She points to Jon and says to me, “Hey, those look familiar, are they yours?”

“No,” I reply, “they’re not mine. I don’t know where they came from.”

Surprise, surprise! They were hers.

I find random items in Jon’s room all the time:  the wooden dowel handle that screws into the toilet bowl plunger, bills that need to be paid,  blank checks from our checkbook, a makeup brush that goes with my blush, the manual for the car from the glove box, Mike’s neckties from our closet and various kitchen utensils, to name just a few.

Recently I invited some mom’s and their kids over for a swim day in our pool. There were keys, sunglasses, phones and open tote bags full of things scattered around everywhere. 

Jon decided to help himself to two pair of kids flip flops that weren’t any bigger than his hand. It’s not like they would fit him and he’s always hated that thingy that goes between the toes. 

Who knows what goes on in that noggin of his? 

During David’s high school graduation, each graduate was encouraged to write a one-line acknowledgement to their parent(s), family or friends which was placed in a PowerPoint presentation and projected on several large screens during part of the ceremony. 

Sweet sentiments scrolled across the screen accompanied by the student’s name who penned them:

“Thanks Mom and Dad for all your support,” 

“I love you Grandma, you’re the best,” 

“Couldn’t have made it through without you, Friend.” 

“God bless you Teacher, for all you did for me.”

The crowd ooo-ed and awww-ed as we watched the quotes marquee across the screen and waited for the one meant for us. 

 Finally David’s popped onto the screen.

“It’s in Jon’s room!” was all it read, in a big, bold font.

As the crowd mumbled in bewilderment all around us, we burst into fits of laughter. 

For all the years David couldn’t find the essay he just wrote, homework and test papers, notebooks, pencils, pens, assignment books and algebra calculators, the answer to the question…

“OK, where is my________?”

…was always, “Go look in Jon’s room.”

The answer to that question has never changed.

If you come for a visit and are missing a few things when you return home, we know the first place to look.

By the way, I found the stick to my broom…guess where…? 

Jon’s room.

And the broom itself… behind the recliner in our bedroom.

Like I said…who knows?

All In Dads

According to statistics the average divorce rate in America hovers around fifty percent and forty-three percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without fathers. 

One sure thing statistics and common sense do show is children need their dads. I understand there are often circumstances beyond control so my goal is not to heap guilt on anyone. Most parents can create plenty of that on their own.

But since today is Father’s Day I want to salute all the dads who make the mammoth effort to be in their kids lives, love them, raise them, teach them, and support them (divorced or not). You are more significant than you will ever know.

The ones who stay for the long haul are those who make the difference.  Those who are a constant in the life of a child forge that life into something deeper, stronger, without major gaps and holes.

Some statistics point to higher divorce rates in marriages where a child with a disability exists, although there are conflicting reports over the actual numbers, the added stress it brings to the family can be challenging. But my kid’s dad stayed, through it all.

Our youngest son is grown and out of our home now, but my husband is still here, helping me find Jonathan when he wanders, staying home with him so I can go and do, and dealing with the craziness and blessing that having a forever child responsibility in life brings.

Mike has been an anchor the boys and I have counted on over the years to pray, work hard, provide, instruct and love. He dragged kids around in the family van, took them on business trips when it would have been easier to leave them home. He’s endured are-we-there-yet car trips and paid for diapers, doctor bills, hamster and guinea pig food, bicycles, broken windows, braces and college when he probably would have preferred a newer car.

He’s stuck around for the sleepovers, home schooling, speech therapy, school IEP meetings,  Special Olympics, Legos, music lessons, guitars, drum sets, skateboards, paintball, the learners permit and mom’s melt down days.

My Kid’s Dad has taught us much about the value of plodding, loyalty, hard work, spending money wisely, being fair, keeping your word, treating people right and living life with integrity, honor and faith in a loving God who created us.

It’s has been and still is a wild ride, but he hangs on tight and keeps us moving forward.

So today I want to publicly honor you, Michael Connis. You are my kid’s dad and you are amazing.

Thanks for staying.

Thanks for never giving up on our nutty, wonderful family!.

We love you. Happy Father’s Day!

Proverbs 20:6 (NIV)Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?

Dead Right!


King David’s relationship with his son Absalom, had been strained for several years, after Absalom killed his half brother Amnon (2 Samuel 13). And now, in 2 Samuel 15, we find David and a large group of loyal followers leaving Jerusalem when the king receives word that his son has launched a rebellion and is on his way to the city to overtake the throne. Once again David is running for his life, this time from his own child (2 Samuel 15-18).

After Absalom arrives in Jerusalem and discovers his father is gone, Absalom begins to plot how to find and kill him.  One of David’s trusted advisors, Hushai, has stayed behind under the pretense of switching allegiance to Absalom, but undercover, he is relaying Absalom’s intentions and actions as they unfold, to David, by messenger. 

Ahithophel, Absalom’s top chosen advisor, recommends rallying troops to go after David immediately, but after Absalom listens to Hushai’s counsel, he decides to follow his plan instead.  After all, Hushai has been a close and trusted friend of King David and would have knowledge of the King that no one else does and Absalom, at this point, has no indication to distrust Hushai’s intentions.

Behind the scene, God is using Hushai to reverse Ahithophel’s strategy (which actually was the best one for defeating David) to bring disaster down on King David’s rebellious son, Absalom.

How it all ends is not the most important point of this drama. Let’s spotlight on this scripture for a minute – 2 Samuel 17:23:

“When Ahithophel saw that his advice had not been followed, he saddled his donkey and set out for his house in his hometown. He put his house in order and then hanged himself. So he died and was buried in his father’s tomb.”(NLT)

Wow! When I read this I had to stop and consider, how many times in my own life, would I rather been dead than have my opinion rejected, ignored, overlooked? Maybe not literally dead, but the, “You don’t like what I believe or say so I’m going to pack myself up and cut myself off from you and anyone else who does not value what I think,” kind of dead. 

This mindset is a growing norm in our society. People are polarizing around issues of government, politics, religion, ethics, morals, lifestyles and behavior. Everyone wants to be heard, be right, and all who disagree, on either side of the divide, are considered intolerant, hateful and narrow minded. It’s an all out, “I’m right and you’re wrong,” continuous brawl!

Many years ago, Mike went to visit a church member who was in a mental ward. As this guy shared his plight, he confessed there were things in his past he couldn’t let go of because he was right and “those people” were wrong. Mike asked him, “Would you rather get out of here or be right?” The man’s reply was, “I’d rather be right.” That man could still be in that psyche ward; maybe he died in there for all we know. Sometimes there’s a high price for always needing to be right.

Back in the narrative of 2 Samuel – Absalom thought he had a right to the crown but he died in the war that ensued as he tried to escape from some of David’s men that came upon him. They found Absalom hanging by his long, thick hair that tangled in a fat tree branch after his mule kept going and left him dangling there. And his big-ego counselor, Ahithophel, needed to be right so much, that he hanged himself all because his opinion went unheeded!

The only one really in the right here was David, who had already learned the hard way that being so is not more important than being king, being cast from God’s presence or falling out of relationship with a son or friend. Just a read through the Psalms of David allows us to see how he experienced the lessons of pride, humility, exaltation, brokenness, reliance upon self or trust in God. 

Jesus laid down his rights to be right and died for us. Before doing so, He told us to love one another as He loved us (1 John 3:16). That’s a colossal assignment

When being right and having the last word becomes more important than relationships with people, God, or living a life of peace and contentment, serious trouble is brewing.

Don’t get ‘hung up’ on always being right. I’m painfully and slowly learning it’s better to humbly die to self, than be dead right; cut off from the Spirit of God in my life and those I am called to love and serve! 

That’s way too great a price and one I’m not willing to pay, anymore.

Psalm 34:18  The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite [humble] spirit.

Philippians 2:3-8  Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

John 10:17-18  The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life…No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.