Category Archives: Christ Life

The Hunter and The Bear – a parable of miscommunication

hunter bear copyA Hunter and a Bear were walking through the woods when they came upon each other.

The Hunter was afraid.

He raised his rifle and shouted, “I want to have you for dinner!”

The Bear was afraid.

He reared up on his back legs and roared, “I want to have you for breakfast!”

The Hunter fired but missed, then both turned and ran away.

The Hunter went home and told his friends, “I tried to invite the Bear over for dinner, but he threatened to attack me.”

The Bear went home and told his friends, “I tried to invite The Hunter over for breakfast but he tried to shoot me.”

The Hunter and The Bear could have been friends, but they were not clear when they communicated their wishes to each other.

People don’t always say exactly what they mean and we don’t always hear exactly what they are trying to say.

Before taking offense, stay calm, ask questions, repeat what you think you heard, clarify and make sure you understand precisely what is being said.

Doing this may rescue a potentially great relationship or save one you already have.

~Miscommunication: the failure to communicate clearly~

Proverbs 12:18 “Reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Proverbs 18:13 “He who answers before listening-that is his folly and shame.”

Proverbs 21:23 “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.”

 

Author of My Story

chapter 1The main character in my novel is experiencing deep disappointment today.

She has just received a report that something she has been longing for and doing everything she can to facilitate, has not been a success. She is sad, discouraged and downcast.

Though she is despairing, I am not, because I am the author of the book. I am ordering her steps and writing her story and I know that I have a good end planned for her. It may not come in the time or way she wants but it is coming and as I write, I’m excited about the events and challenges unfolding along the way that will take her to a better end than she can know or understand at this moment.

If I could, I would tell her to trust me. I would tell her, don’t waste time and energy on despair because I already have it all worked out.

As I write my first novel, I’m gaining a greater understanding of who God is and how He works in my life.

I may not be experiencing immediate success in everything I planned for or even see how He is at work behind the scenes of my life.

My task as the main character in this unfolding drama of life, is to simply follow Him; trusting that He has a better plot line for my life than I could ever write on my own.

The Author wants this author to believe Him and finds a million ways a day to tell me…

…just trust.

The end is good.

Everything is going to turn out alright!

That is not fiction, that is fact.

Because God is the Author of my story.

Hebrews 12:1-2 “…let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith…”

Ecclesiastes 7:8  “The end of a thing is better than its beginning…

A Tale of Two Kingdoms

noaccessDisney has changed it’s theme park leniency for disabled guests because of the behavior of a few able bodied folks who decided to exploit the kindness extended to those who rely on it.

Apparently families with disposable income have been hiring disabled people or those who pretend they are, to take advantage of Disney’s policy, allowing disabled guests to move to the front of attraction and ride lines.

http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2013-09-27/business/os-disney-disabled-guests-policy-20130926_1_walt-disney-world-radiator-springs-racers-disney-california-adventure

It’s been a few years since we’ve visited  Disney’s Kingdom, but when our boys were young we went frequently. It was one of the perks of living in Central Florida.

Jon who walks agonizingly slow, could handle about an hour on his feet, before he’d had enough and would plunk down on a sidewalk, in the middle of a walkway or a long line, refusing to get up. A few times we had to circle him to keep him from being trampled.

He also gets irritated when jostled in a crowd and would bolt to find a quiet corner of refuge until everyone around him disappeared and we missed show times and ride starts because of it.

Eventually, we decided to rent a wheelchair and later bought one to bring along, which made our outings to Disney more fun and hassle free. The wheelchair got Jon and us through the park faster and the ability to go to the front of the line helped us avoid Jon’s crowd aversion.

Under Mickey’s new policy, families are now going to have to go to Fast Pass kiosks and come back to events at start times. For families who have kids with mental delays, autism and medical issues this could be the tipping point of a “just not worth it” way to spend a day.

Paying hefty per person admission has been a bad deal for most of our families who usually can’t spend an entire day at the park anyway. We’re fortunate to get several hours in before an issue that is part of our normal every day life forces an exit. This add-on will only delay already precious time.

For some, ‘The Happiest Place on Earth’ might not be as happy as it once was thanks to a few who used something not meant for them to their own advantage.

Disney has taken the posture of the school teacher who punishes the whole class for what one kid did. But many policies of business, government, public systems and service have originated from the abuse of a few and prove the far and wide ripple effect our actions have on others.

It’s not fair. Unfortunately is it not unusual, and originates back to the beginning of time.

All the way back to the Garden of Eden.

Romans 5:18-19 tells us, “..just as one trespass resulted in condemnation for all people, so also one righteous act resulted in justification and life for all people. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.”

The sin condition started with the disobedience of Adam and Eve and all of us were affected.

Jesus came to cure us, to offer a way out, a solution, an escape.

I doubt The Magic Kingdom will budge on this new policy change. Their interest in profits will outweigh the needs of their disabled customers.

But the top priority of Jesus is people. Me and you. He came to rescue the sick and the lost.

His life, death, resurrection and ascension, enacted a divine policy for free admission and an eternal pass to hang out in God’s Kingdom.

No waiting in line. No disability. No wheelchairs. No pain. No crying. No guilt. No shame.

No worries about missing out or someone stealing our place in line.

And to think, all we have to do is believe in Him. Because of Christ we are special, we are loved, we are blessed.

I have my admission ticket.

How about you?

“…the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 6:23

, “For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.” Luke 19:10

, “… the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28

 

 

 

More Than You Can Bear – Part 3 – No Where Else To Go

What am I to do when the circumstances of life become more than I can bear; when rising from my bed in the morning is like climbing a mountain and putting one foot in front of the other is exhausting, painful, overwhelming; when questions assault me on every side, my mind becomes a windstorm of thoughts, tears flow like rivers and my heart is broken?43966153

I had to know.

So I asked.

I found a simple, yet most difficult answer.

Trust.

Do I believe in a God who can heal? Absolutely. I’ve seen and experienced healing and know He can and still does.

Do I believe in a God who can miraculously deliver me out of trouble? Definitely. I’ve encountered that in my own life and the lives of others.

Do I have faith for instant miracles? No question. All I need is faith the size of a mustard seed. I sweep dust from my kitchen floor bigger than that.

Do I believe God is sovereign and I won’t always understand His ways?  Yes. So my mission is simply to believe Him, to trust Him.

No matter what.

To trust I am loved. Romans 8:38-39 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

To trust I am never on my own.  Matthew 28:20 I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Hebrews 13:5  “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

To trust in the darkest place. Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

To trust He has a plan for me.  Jeremiah 29:11 I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Philippians 6:6… being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it.

To trust He will bring me through. Isaiah 43:1-3 Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

To trust He knows what I need. John 6:68 “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

I have nowhere else to go. I’ve searched everywhere. No one, nothing, provides the answers I want or need.

It is only Christ who proves strong in my weakness, mighty in my suffering.

 “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.” Psalm 103:13-14

Jesus walked where I walk, He felt what I feel. He experienced the wide range of emotions life on Earth brings.

He knows my frame, how I’m put together and what makes me tick.

He knows without Him I’m nothing but a pile of dust.

He lived, died and resurrected to fill the breach between Heaven and Earth. He did all that for me.

When I’m weary, broken, my faith is small and my hope is almost extinguished, Jesus sees and hears.

Compassion overtakes him.

I imagine Him, sitting to the right of the Father, his nail scared hands resting on the arms of the throne room chair.

He leans into God’s ear and pleads my case, reminding His Dad that it’s not easy being here, being human.

He rehearses what it was like to come to Earth and wear the same flesh suit I wear, walking this hard, dusty ground; totally immersed in what it is to be one of us; hungry, tired, thirsty, in pain, rejected, despairing, alone.

He understands I’m having a hard time, struggling under the weight of my affliction, breaking under the heaviness of my pain and pleads with the Father to provide extra mercy, a little more grace, to pour out some additional love from His endless supply; reassuring the hosts of Heaven that I’ll come around.

I’ll be alright.

When it’s all said and done I will come out of the furnace refined like pure gold, shining a little more like the beautiful gem that I was made to be.

This adversity will transform me, “for I know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.”Romans 8:28

I’ll say like Joseph, “..you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good.“ Genesis 50:20

I’ll say with Apostle Paul,” But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God.” 2 Corinthians 1:9

In everything.

At all times.

And especially when life is too hard to bear.

In God I will trust.

 

“When there’s no getting over that rainbow, when my smallest of dreams won’t come true I can take all the madness the world has to give, but, I won’t last a day without you.” ~ From the song, ‘I Won’t Last A Day Without You’ by The Carpenters~

2 Corinthians 4:7-10, 17-18 “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body…For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, works for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”.

  2 Corinthians 12:8-10 “Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

 

More Than You Can Bear – Part 2 – What Kind of God is He Anyway?

Sisyphean toil (3d isolated characters on white background series)The faulty premise of being told, “God won’t give more than you can bear,” eventually brought me to a place of confusion, guilt and even condemnation.

I didn’t understand why I was crushed, overwhelmed, barely able to breathe? Why wasn’t I stronger, more in control in the midst of my misery and heartache? Where was my faith?

Believing this about God leads to several flawed conclusions:

  • He sits on His throne handing out adversity to those He sees as tough enough to get through it. Does God look down on me and say, “That one there, see her? She’s a tough cookie. Give her the disabled kid and chronic illness. She can handle it.”
  • He randomly tosses out varieties of affliction upon the earth and wherever it lands it lands. Does God have an Affliction Lottery Machine He draws from or a Wheel of Misfortune He spins until my name comes up? Whatever category it lands on is what I get to deal with in life?

I don’t think so.

Who wants to believe in a God like that? That makes Him no different than other gods men have fabricated throughout history.

God’s original intention for man NEVER included suffering. He created us and Earth in perfection. One result of living in a fallen, sin-filled, broken world is hardship and adversity.

He also created man with the ability to choose. Sometimes our adversity is at the hand of others and we become victims of man’s free will; the spouse who leaves, the prodigal child, the friend who betrays or the child who is abused, kidnapped, murdered, the family killed by a drunk driver, the people who are maimed and die by a suicide bomber.

Other times suffering is the result of our fallen and cursed earth; natural disasters such as flood, tornadoes, mudslides, hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunamis, fire, illness, disability and death.

And still other afflictions come from our own decisions; addictions, bad habits and attitudes, faulty thinking, poor diet, lack of exercise, rest, discipline and self control.

When my son was young and recited the classic child disclaimer, “But it’s not fair!” my reply was always, “Sorry kid, I was there the day you arrived. When the midwife put you in my arms, I checked you over from head to toe. I never saw a sticker on your behind that said you were exempt from the unfairness of life.”

There are many in scripture who were overwhelmed by misery and suffering. If it’s true that God won’t give us more than we can bear, He better apologize to these folks.

Job – “Why is life given to a man like me? God hasn’t told me what will happen to me. He has surrounded me with nothing but trouble. I sigh instead of eating food. Groans pour out of me like water.What I was afraid of has come on me. What I worried about has happened to me. I don’t have any peace and quiet. I can’t find any rest. All I have is trouble.” Job 3:23-26

David – “Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I have come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God.”

Apostle Paul – “For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, ofthe affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.” 2 Corinthians 1:8

Hebrews Faith Heroes – “And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, yea, moreover of bonds and imprisonment: They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented…they wandered in deserts, and in mountains, and in dens and caves of the earth. And these all, having obtained a good report through faith, received not the promise…” Hebrews 11:36-39.

Yes, even Jesus – “ And he [Jesus] was withdrawn from them about a stone’s cast, and kneeled down, and prayed, saying, ‘Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but yours be done.’ And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him. And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was great drops of blood falling down to the ground” Luke 22:41-44

Existence on Planet Earth is often an exercise in our definitions of unfairness. We all experience cycles of joy and pain, laughter and sorrow, contentment and frustration, peace and unrest. No one is exempt from tasting the full range of circumstances life doles out.

Jesus said, “In the world you will have tribulation…” John 16:33 and “He [God] makes His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust,” Matthew 5:45.

So I figured something out. Stuff happens, good and bad.

We all get some and like everyone else, I get my share of each.

Now what to do with it?

If you’re discouraged about all this, don’t be. I’ve saved the good news for last.

Scroll down for part three…’No Where Else to Go.’

 

 

 

 

More Than You Can Bear – Part 1 – The Premise

In 1979 Mike and I had been married four years and had just returned to our home town in upstate New York from Portland, Oregon. We were fresh out of Bible college; our heads were stuffed with theology and our hearts were stuffed with hope. We were ready to turn the world upside down for Christ.

We took the volunteer position of youth pastor at our home church and settled in to see what God had planned for chapter two of our love story.

Little did I know that the next three years were about to test everything I believed or thought I knew. Our first child, Jonathan, was born with Down syndrome, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, Mike was diagnosed with toxic neuropathy, and my Jesus loving dad had a nervous breakdown and landed in the psyche ward.

My well ordered little life suddenly swirled out of control.

I was devastated, crushed, overwhelmed, and angry and questioned, prayed and sobbed, demanding answers.

I reminded God of my “do good” list, how I’d spent my entire life in church, never smoked, did drugs, only drank alcohol once in high school, and was still a ‘good’ girl when I married, then moved all the way across country and back so my husband could go to Bible school.

For some unknown reason, God had piled way more than I could handle on us, and I didn’t know what to do about any of it.

There’s this thing that’s been gnawing at me for years, like a pebble in my shoe on a long walk.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the verse from 1 Corinthians 10:13 quoted to me and others who are over whelmed by suffering, trials, sickness, death and loss beyond their control.

“God won’t give you more than you can bear.” Sisyphean toil (3d isolated characters on white background series)

I’d heard it, believed it and even said it, but something wasn’t adding up. It seemed to me that plenty of people, in the Bible, in history and in my own life faced hardships far greater than is humanly possible to endure.

I decided to study this verse out, instead of just believing what I had always been told, (see my post ‘My Favorite Love Story’: https://aplacecalledspecial.com/2013/08/29/my-favorite-love-story/ for more on that).

What I found was revealing. This passage isn’t talking about suffering and affliction at all, it’s referring to the temptation of sin.

In context, Apostle Paul explains how the Israelites complained in the wilderness, worshiped idols, indulged in revelry, committed sexual immorality and tested God with their grumbling.

According to Brother Paul, their hearts were set on evil and as a result, some of them were killed by snakes and a destroying angel. (1 Corinthians 10:6-10)

He follows that with: “These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the culmination of the ages has come. So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Corinthians 10:11-13.

After this, Paul immediately addresses the subject of idolatry and what is lawful but not necessarily edifying behavior. At no point in this passage is there any reference to trials of affliction or suffering.

The word tempted or temptation used here comes from the same Greek word which means to test, entice, prove, scrutinize, or examine and is used in the following verses to give confirmation of the same meaning.

Matthew 4:1 “then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.”

Matthew 6:13 “…and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.”

Luke 22:45-46 “When He [Jesus] rose up from prayer, and had come to His disciples, He found them sleeping from sorrow. Then He said to them, “Why do you sleep? Rise and pray, lest you enter into temptation.”

Hebrews 4:15 “For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.”

James 1:13-15 “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempts he any man: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it brings forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, brings forth death.’’

God does not tempt us to sin, EVER, but when we are tempted He is right there, providing a way out, strengthening us so we don’t give in.

Jesus was the only one on earth who withstood the temptation of sin. By His sacrifice on the cross and by His example, we have everything we need to resist sin and also be forgiven when we succumb to its pull and power.

As Christ followers, our greatest enemies are the world, our own flesh and the devil (Ephesians 2:1-3).

All three seem hell bent (pun intended) on destroying us, so next time you are tempted to sin remember this, say this: “God is not tempting me beyond what I can bear but has provided a way of escape.”

Based on my new understanding of this passage, I had just wiped one of our most used Christian clichés off the radar screen and had to come face to face with God and the problem of suffering.

OK, so now what?

What are we to do when our pain is greater than we can humanly bear and how do we justify that with a loving God?

Scroll down for part two….’What Kind of God is He Anyway?’

 

 

 

 

 

My Favorite Love Story

I heard an interesting statistic this week.

Less than 2% who claim to believe the Gospel of Jesus Christ, spend any time reading the Bible.

Reasons are:_Love_Story

Don’t have time

Don’t understand

Can’t relate

It’s outdated, irrelevant

I used to be one of those and have recently been thinking about why and how that changed.

For many years the Bible was just another rule book to me, a list of things I should and shouldn’t do.  It seemed dry and irrelevant to my daily concerns; a Girl Scout manual of hoops I needed to jump through to gain the next God-Is-Happy-With-Me–Again, badge.

Honestly, I was more worried about keeping the people around me happy, than a God I believed in but couldn’t see.

I memorized my Sunday School verses, learned the Bible stories, listened to countless sermons and did my duty devotional reading somewhat daily, but none of this was life giving. It was no different than brushing my teeth or making my bed every day; just something I did because I was supposed to.

I’d sat in church since toddler-hood but God was little more than the Big Meany in the sky.

I could see Him in my overactive imagination, a gigantic, glowing, being sitting on a golden throne with angels on both sides, a pen and a scroll in their hands.

God’s narrow, piercing eyes, always watching and searching for wrong doers, would zero in on me.

 Suddenly God would exclaim, “There, see her?!  That Diane girl?  Look at what she’s doing now!”

He would look away from my activities here on earth to the angel on His right; the one who records sins for names starting with A through M.

Both angels, stretching their necks to look around the big fluffy cloud in their way, would follow the pointing finger of God; trying to see what I’m up to this time.

“ She’s doing that thing again!” God would purse his lips in disgust and shake His giant head.

“Write it down! Now!”

The angel, who was still trying to find me in a sea of humanity would snap to attention and start recording the date, time and my newest offense. He didn’t have to ask God my name. He’d written it so many times he always remembers.

In my mind, God was the giant Santa in the sky, making a list, checking it twice, finding out who’s naughty or nice.

And you better be ready when He comes to town ‘cause you’re in for it! No blessing for you only guilt, shame and punishment.

Since I was a small child, I’d heard and read that God loved me even sent His Son to die for me, but I couldn’t justify the God of the Old Testament with the Jesus of the New Testament.

God seemed psychotic, wiping whole people groups off the planet one minute and dying on a cross for me the next.

I didn’t get it.

Through a series of life circumstances that aligned like the planets, I came to a place where all the Christian cliches and doctrines I had memorized didn’t give me the answers I was looking for anymore.

I wanted more, needed more than my shallow beliefs. I knew about God but I was miserable. What I desperately wanted was for Him to be my soul mate. I had to know if He really loved ME and I could love Him back.

If He was the God of love that Jesus portrayed, why did I feel so unworthy? Why did I feel like God didn’t like me?

We each have filters that are the sum total of our experiences, thought process, values and beliefs which influence the way we view God. All my life, I had believed only what I’d been told, but hadn’t diligently searched it out for myself.

I came to the realization that my concept of God might be faulty and I didn’t know Him at all. So I began to ask Him to show Himself to me, if He truly was my Heavenly Father, to reveal the greatness of His love.

When I opened the Bible, I prayed that I would not read anything into or pull anything out of it that wasn’t truly there. I asked God to let me see exactly what He wanted me to see in its pages.

The transformation was slow but amazing, and gradually I fell in love with the God who loves me, the God in my Bible.

He began to strip away all the things I thought I knew and replace them with a simple trust in who He is.

My filters and assessment of God never changed who He truly is; they only distorted the way I had perceived Him. I began to see everything differently.

Religion told me I had to do more, be more, be better. God just tells me He loves me and calls me into His love.

God’s Word is no longer a rule book but a love letter and God isn’t a mean, score keeping, dictator but my friend and merciful, caring Father. Now, I want nothing more than to make Him happy, not out of fear or obligation but because of love.

From beginning to end, the Bible is God’s love story for humanity. It explains how He created us for friendship but also created us with choice. While I am busy choosing everything else, God mercifully and constantly calls me back to his heart, because with Him is where I belong.

 My Bible is that special letter God wrote to me; like one a lover would send and I keep in a treasured place, unfolding gently so as not to tear the worn, yellowed creases.

I read it again and again and am filled with joy in discovering He loves me and thinks I’m beautiful. I am adored, and cherished by the God of the Universe and His heart breaks whenever my own wanders far and He can’t be near me.

What girl doesn’t love a good love story?

And how amazing to be the main character in the best one of all.

I think I’ll stop writing now. I need to read my love letter again, today.

He’s Everything to Me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ywzlq2AiAuM

The 7 Things 38 Years Have Taught Me

Aug 23 1975Most weddings my pastor husband, Mike, presides over include the favored reading of the qualities of love from 1 Corinthians 13.

My observance of these joyful ceremonies, finds me wondering if these young, love struck couples, holding hands and gazing deep into one another’s eyes, understand the words they are hearing and repeating.

I remember standing with Mike on our wedding day and wholeheartedly agreeing to that promise. Thirty eight years later I realize I had little to no comprehension what it really meant.

“Love is patient, kind, does not envy or boast, is not proud, does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, keeps no list of wrongs, does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth, always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres and never gives up.”

Sounds nice doesn’t it?

Wouldn’t happily-ever-after be more than a fairy tale if we showed up with all the Love Chapter qualities intact on our wedding day?

None of us do. We may be in love but we sure don’t know much about it yet.

When the fireworks of the honeymoon dissipate and life settles into routine joys, challenges and responsibilities, the truth of the Love Chapter comes to test, stretching and challenging us in ways we never imagined.

You may be at the start of your marriage journey or have already traveled the road for a long time.

Either way, I want to share a few things with you I’ve learned since Mike and I said “I Do,” thirty eight years ago today.

1. It’s Not All About You:

Ask a young dating or engaged couple what they love about their significant other. The reply is telling.

“He makes me happy.”

” I need her.”

“I don’t want to live without him.”

Many answers start with ‘I’ or refer to how the other person makes ‘me’ feel.

Most of us start marriage from a position of selfishness. I know I did.

I hope all of us experience an abundance of dizzying romance, exploding fireworks and breath taking passion in marriage but real love is deeper than heart thumping emotion.

Love is action. Love is putting the other person ahead of “me” when you would rather have it your way.

Love is sometimes hard to DO and even harder to BE. It doesn’t always feel good and it isn’t always easy.

The good news is God IS LOVE and He can help us learn the fine art of laying “me” aside when necessary and cheerfully considering the needs of another.

Emancipation from the jail of selfishness brings us into a freedom and joy we never imagined.

2. Make a Commitment to Stay:

You won’t always feel the overwhelming rush of emotion you’re experiencing right now. Feelings ebb and flow like the tide – in and out.

While Hollywood tells us, when the feeling is gone the love is gone, I Corinthians 13 portrays love as the sum of many decisions and actions instead of a feeling.

A relationship based solely on emotion stands on a shallow and shaky foundation.

As the days turn into years there are continuous choices to be made.

How will I treat those I say I love, especially when the goose bumps and warm fuzzy feelings are absent?

How will I apply love to my words and deeds, and by doing so become more than a sounding gong or clanging cymbal-just a lot of noise void of substance?

You might have a few mornings when you wake up, roll over, look at your spouse and forgot what it was you loved about them on your wedding day.

That’s OK. It’s normal!

Don’t panic. Don’t run. Don’t hide. Stick it out and work through it.

Learning to be married well doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a lifetime.

When you look back years later and say, “We’ve been through so much together, we’ve come far, we made it, and I still love you,” you’ll be glad you stayed and will have a deeper understanding of what REAL love is.

3. You Will Have Problems.

I wish we could get through life without problems but somewhere along the way they always show up. They add a dynamic to marriage that can bring you closer together or pull you apart.

We all respond in diverse ways to difficulty, so make allowances for the differences in your spouse’s reaction to illness, stress, loss, hardship. Don’t expect him/her to react the way you do to every situation.

God is wise in not revealing the future all at once.

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord” (Proverbs 37:23) means He reveals the plan and purpose one day at a time, one step at a time and promises to walk into it with us.

Do remember, God has grace great enough to get you and your marriage through anything.

If, as a couple, you are continually seeking His wisdom and trusting Him together, you will come out on the other side of your trials better and stronger than ever.

4. You Won’t Always Agree.

If you want to live with someone who agrees with you all the time, marry a mannequin.

You can dress it however you want. It will never gain weight, get wrinkles or gray hair and will always love your opinion because it will never have one!

We usually marry someone with a few brain cells and some thought process. This is good news, because they can add a whole new perspective to our way of seeing things IF we let them.

Listen and be open to your spouse’s point of view. You could actually learn something.

If you don’t agree on every point it’s not the end of the world or your relationship.

Learning how to disagree and still respect each other is an important key to keeping your marriage moving forward.

5. Learn to Compromise:

Though you may not agree on every point, you have to come to some sort of middle ground on the important stuff.

We bring different backgrounds and temperaments into marriage and coming to reasonable agreement as mature adults is a learned skill so don’t be discouraged and give up if you don’t handle this well the minute the ‘I Do’s’ are said.

Some negotiation and compromise are essential for two people to live together day in and out. It’s called being flexible!

Discernment and wisdom are required to know when to hold on or let go, speak or be quiet, give or take.

Remember that pouting or resorting to silence every time we have to give in a bit doesn’t win us admiration points with our spouse.

That’s what kids do. Remember we’re not kids anymore, we’re adults!

6. Laugh:

Here’s a good question to ask yourself; how much fun are you to be around?

Do you enjoy being with yourself? If the answer is no, others probably don’t want to hang around with you either.

Are you a moody, frowning, opinionated, nagging, critical, complaining, miserable person who pushes people away with a constant negative attitude?

What a HUGE turn off for a spouse who has to put up with you daily!!

Obviously we aren’t up all the time. Life can be difficult and throw challenges our way, some we don’t even see coming.

But finding joy in life, being a good listener and encourager, even wearing a smile goes a long way. It makes you and everyone inside your perimeter feel better.

In case you haven’t noticed, there’s plenty of humor in the everyday events of life. People are pretty funny creatures.

Even the things that cause stress can be funny if we look at them from another side.

Laughter is the most priceless thing in the world and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Having fun, being fun, doesn’t have to expensive but it is absolutely essential to a happy marriage.

7. Pray

Pray, pray and pray some more.

Oh and did I say PRAY?!

No one knows you or your spouse better that the One who created you.

God can give you keys to unresolved conflict, patience when you’ve run out, and ideas to keep your relationship fresh and fun.

He can help you see your spouse from His perspective and give you understanding about what makes them tick, why they do those things that make you crazy.

Once you receive God’s heart for your spouse, it’s easier to let go and just love them for who they are.

And if you pray together, better yet. It’s hard to stay mad at someone you pray with.

There’s something about love and prayer that strengthen each other and that’s really good for marriage.

So pray!

1 Corinthians 13

What if I could speak all languages of humans and of angels?
If I did not love others, I would be nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
What if I could prophesy and understand all secrets and all knowledge?
And what if I had faith that moved mountains? I would be nothing, unless I loved others.
What if I gave away all that I owned and let myself be burned alive?
I would gain nothing, unless I loved others.

Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or 5 rude.
Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered.
It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do.
Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.
Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
Love never fails!

Everyone who prophesies will stop, and unknown languages will no longer be spoken.
All that we know will be forgotten. We don’t know everything and our prophecies are not complete.
But what is perfect will someday appear, and what isn’t perfect will then disappear.

When we were children, we thought and reasoned as children do.
But when we grew up, we quit our childish ways.
Now all we can see of God is like a cloudy picture in a mirror. Later we will see him face to face.
We don’t know everything, but then we will, just as God completely understands us.

 For now there are faith, hope, and love.
But of these three, the greatest is love.

Self Control or Patience? I’ll Take an Order of Both, Please!

I took Jon to Wendy’s fast food restaurant the other day…well…let’s say, I tried.

He emerged from his room in the early afternoon, around 1pm, desperately needing a shower, shave and change of clothes and headed for the garage to get in the car; his signal that, ” I’d like to go someplace now.”

I told him there would be no going anywhere looking like he just crawled out from under a rock. He frowned and shuffled back inside to the bathroom.

By the time we got in the car, Jon had showered, put on clean clothes and it was almost 7:30 pm. 

He was also wearing a plastic headband with paper Mickey Mouse ears taped to it, garden gloves and a flowered belt from my closet. Random items were tucked between the belt and his waist, a plastic sword, a drumstick, a long glow stick with a bright red heart on the end and several other unidentified objects.

He handed me a note and I stared at the scrawled print trying to figure out what it said. Considering the way he was decorated, I had a feeling I already knew.

I deciphered the words, DISENI and MIKEY MOSE and realized I was correct. He wanted to go to Disney. 

Problem number one, it was already late and we don’t live in Kissimmee anymore. From there, Disney was a fifteen minute drive. Now that we’re located thirty miles north of Orlando, Disney is an hour away, maybe more depending on interstate traffic.

Problem number two, our Disney passes expired several years ago and Jon doesn’t understand it costs a bundle to get in the park and is barely worth the price when you’re staying all day. Forget it if you’re showing up an hour or two before it closes. 

I handed the note back, “Sorry Dude, it’s too late to go to Disney now. You took so long getting ready we don’t have much time to go anywhere. How about Wendy’s or McDonalds. They’re both open late.”

He scowled as he took the note back and turned it over. I waited another ten minutes until he finally wrote WEDYS on the back. By the time we pulled into Wendy’s parking lot it was 8:05pm.

I shut off the car and told him that his costume was pretty impressive but “If you don’t want people staring at you all night then you better take all that stuff off and leave it in the car.”

Sometimes he cares about that, other times, not. He carefully took everything off except the flowered belt. 

I got out of the car and walked over to wait for him near the door. It was now 8:30. 

Jon stayed in the car at least another ten minutes trying to decide what he wanted to bring inside. Finally the door opened and another five minutes passed, then two legs appeared beneath. 

After several minutes went by he stood up. He remained statue still in that spot for about five minutes. 

He finally shut the door and stayed next to the car for nearly ten minutes, pushing buttons on an imaginary keypad under the door handle. 

I pulled out my remote and hit the lock button. The horn beeped. Jon frowned. 

It took him another eight minutes to walk from the car to the sidewalk curb. Once he was actually on the sidewalk that led to the entrance, I went inside, sat down at a table near the window and continued to watch his slow progress toward the door.

While I watched, a woman who had passed me thirty minutes prior, as I waited on the sidewalk, finished eating and came back by me to leave. She glanced out the window at Jon, who was slowly making his way to the door in intermittent starts and pauses.

“Are you with him?” She asked.

“Yes.” I forced a smile. 

I was hungry and tired of waiting. Honestly, I really wanted to go outside and give my kid a big boot in the behind with my foot to get him moving. It took every ounce of self control I had and a lot of Jesus talking to stay in that chair and keep waiting. 

I also realized if someone saw me do that, I’d probably be in handcuffs for assaulting a disabled person in Wendy’s parking lot. So I stayed put and prayed for more patience and grace and tried to put my thoughts on something other than my snail slow child.

“Is he your son?” the woman asked, not waiting for an answer. “I’m a special ed teacher in Orlando,” she continued.”It sure takes a lot of patience sometimes doesn’t it?”

Sometimes?!!?

“Yes it does,” I replied, “And I think I’m about to run out if he doesn’t get in here pretty soon.”

I smiled again, hoping she wouldn’t think worse of me for what I’d just said. She was trying to complement me after all.

Her preschool size grandson was pulling on her, stretching her arm so far he slid sideways to the floor. He was ready to go and I found myself wishing Jon was like him; wishing I could be over the agonizing amount of waiting that happens whenever I take Jon any place. 

The woman smiled back. “You are a very patient person,” she said. 

I was thankful what I was really feeling wasn’t showing on the outside.

I realized then that we easily confuse self control with patience. I was anything BUT patient right then. My ability, by God’s grace, to control myself when I wanted to do anything but had been perceived as patience.

“Thank You God, for self control,” I said out loud to God and myself as she turned to leave.  

Self control isn’t a popular topic in our impatient culture but it’s such a crucial foundation to the other character qualities we need. Love, peace, endurance, tolerance, kindness, gentleness, patience all start with putting self aside for the good of another.

Proverbs 25:28 states, “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Sounds to me like a place left defenseless. Without self control, all boundaries are gone and every destructive thing has access to our life.

My outing with Jon didn’t end any better than it started. He came through the restaurant door at 9:25pm. We ordered by 9:40 and I sat back down while Jon took his time at the soda machine and condiment counter. 

I ate quickly and was booting up my laptop, relaxing into a few hours of writing time, when the manager walked back to let me know they were closing. 

We had to leave.

“At 10 o’clock?” I asked in disbelief. Hadn’t I seen advertisements, posters and billboards announcing Wendy’s late night hours all over the place? 

Jon hadn’t even sat down yet. He was still pumping ketchup into little paper cups.

I sighed, put my laptop away and readied myself for the struggle coming to get him back out the door he had just come through.

Thank God for self control. 

Like my good friend Glee always says, “Just ‘cause self control is last on the list doesn’t mean it’s not important,”

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control..

If I’m So Special Why Don’t I feel Like It?


I’ve heard the word ‘special’ directed toward me as a mother for many years, since our first child was born with Down syndrome then later developed autism. 

“God gives these special kids to special people like you because He’s knows you can handle it.”

When you ask expectant parents whether they are hoping for a boy or girl the most common answer is, “I don’t care as long as the baby is healthy and normal.”  

I have never heard anyone say, “Oh either is fine, but I’m really hoping we have a special child!” 

Other than the few amazing heroes who willingly adopt disabled children, no one really longs to have a disabled child. The irony that you are suddenly special if you get one has always puzzled me.

Regardless, I know people mean well and are trying to be kind and encouraging so I usually smile and move on with the conversation.

On especially stressful Jon days, when I’m not much in a “Yahoo!” frame of mind, I’ve thought of asking (but have never done so) those who tell me how special I am, “Truthfully now, would you feel special if your child was born with ____________ (fill in the blank with any disability)?”

Our son, Jonathan, displays frequent resistant behaviors that can be challenging and one morning I remember, was particularly difficult. All directives and attempts to get Jon to school on time were met with opposition and finally resulted in Jon locking himself in the bathroom and refusing to open the door. 

I drove him to school everyday and by the time we arrived – late again – I was incredibly stressed and on the verge of tears.  

David, our youngest child, and a friend who was visiting from another state, accompanied me. We had made plans to spend the day at one of Central Florida’s theme parks, so after Jon was finally delivered to his classroom, we headed to the nearest store to purchase a few items and visit the ATM. 

I parked the car and the three of us were walking toward the store entrance when I saw him, a silver haired man wearing a bright orange vest and a big smile. He was holding a plastic container for the obvious purpose of taking donations. 

I was still revved up from my morning encounter with Jon, taking deep breaths and forcing my mind to move on to calmer thoughts and the fun day ahead.

As I walked past the orange-vested man he thrust the container toward me and in a most kind and gentle voice asked, “Maam, would you like to donate to the disabled this morning?” 

This unfortunate guy had no idea how poorly timed his inquiry was. He had no clue what I had just been through or what he was in for.  I stopped mid-stride, turned and glared at him.  

That simple question was the last straw, as the saying goes.  All the pent up frustration still swirling around inside exploded out of me like hot lava from an erupting volcano.  

Like some sort of lunatic, I yelled, “Oh sure! I’d just love to,” right in his face.

I ripped open my purse, clawed through my wallet, grabbed the first available paper bill I found and crammed five dollars inside that container so forcefully the surprised man almost dropped it on the sidewalk.  

Then I loudly declared, “There you go sir, something for the disabled.  Now what do you plan to do for their mothers?!” as I turned and stomped inside the store leaving him with his mouth hanging open and my free paper flower dangling from his fingers.

I didn’t feel very special that day. Still don’t for that matter.  If I am entirely honest, I often feel very inadequate and way too tired for this job. 
  

Jill Kelly, author and speaker, says sometimes God does give you more than you can handle so He can show Himself strong in and through you. 

In my weakness, He is made strong (2 Corinthians 12:9). 

So I’ve figured something out in the midst of all this. God is trying to make me into something special and this child is part of the plan, stamped indelibly into the blueprint of my life.  

This design wasn’t included in the life I had visualized when I looked ahead many years ago.  And there are times even now when I look forward and struggle with an overwhelming sense of fear and uncertainty for my son’s future.  

But this I am sure of, God can be trusted with every detail of life. If I continually lean into Him, He provides everything I need to press on.  

Keeping my focus on Jesus as I learn, in my weakness, to reflect Him to a hurting world, is the ultimate goal. How I reach that goal is often a blend of His grace and my endurance. 

I have come so far from the person I was at the beginning of this journey. I trust somewhere along the way or at least near the end of the road I will finally reach a resemblance of something special in God’s eyes. 

Because in God’s kingdom, being His ‘special child’ is the highest compliment and honor! 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plansfor good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”  Jeremiah 29:11 NLT