A parent of a young child asked us, “What is the secret to raising kids who don’t stray from God and doing right, even through the teen years and into adulthood?”
The answer wasn’t one we had completely formulated in our minds, because it was a question we had ever been asked. I had to ponder on it. Though we had successfully raised two boys, we certainly knew it wasn’t because we were flawless, perfect parents!
I discovered a large part of the answer in a very sad statement buried in a context that describes the end of Joshua’s life, one of Israel’s great leaders, from Judges 2:10. When all the elderly men that out lived Joshua, those who had witnessed the things God had done for Israel, died “a new generation grew up that had not personally experienced the Lord’s presence or seen what he had done for Israel.”
This new generation was enjoying the good life in the Promise Land that their predecessors had fought, struggled and died to obtain, but they had no personal experience with God to understand the promise or value of it. Consequently they turned from Him and began to worship the false gods of the nations around them.
We can believe what we believe, tell our kids what they should believe and try to make them believe it, but until they have a personal experience with God, unless they experience His presence in a way that is life changing, God will be our thing, not theirs. One of the most important things we can do, from the time our children arrive, is to pray they will experience God for themselves in a very tangible way, then create an atmosphere in our family life that equips them with an awareness of who He is and how unconditionally He loves them.
When a child reaches an age where he begins to question everything he has been taught, parents tend to panic and label it as rebellion, but often, the child is only becoming aware of himself and testing his place in the world. In this formative stage of developing his own identity, a child may have doubts about the reality of God. He may need to further examine the teachings he has heard growing up in a home and church where God’s word is believed and (hopefully) lived.
I remember telling our son, David, when he was around twelve years old, he shouldn’t believe anything just because we, the pastor or youth leader said it. He needed to pray, read and search it out for himself so that it would become real to him. I showed him where God said, “If you seek me you will find me” (Jeremiah 29:13). Our kids need to know that God will reveal Himself to anyone who sincerely asks. They also need to understand that they are personally accountable for what they do with Jesus and the truth He gives. Living off mom and dad’s faith just doesn’t cut it and won’t keep them for the long haul.
It’s risky and uncomfortable business giving a child the freedom, within the boundaries of your watchful eye of course, to discover God for himself. We can’t take it as an affront when they question the things that have been drilled into them since their first breath. Children grow into adults with free will and choice. They don’t always choose well or right, there’s no guarantee in that, but if they have mighty encounters with the God who created and loves them, they are less likely to go astray, less apt to be pulled away by the enticements of the world and if they do stray, are more likely to return.
David, wrote this song about the exodus of his generation from following Christ:
Perfect Ghosts
Which came first, empty hearts or empty pews
Which is worse when a thousand options mean a thousand truths
A tepid verse, your parents god with weekly dues
It don’t work, soap box faith with shadowed shoes
Which is worse when a thousand options mean a thousand truths
A tepid verse, your parents god with weekly dues
It don’t work, soap box faith with shadowed shoes
I’ve seen the ghosts of our fathers in the walls
It grows, it grows our fear of these dark halls
We groan, we groan for something to feel like home
Because in the end perfect ghosts can’t love at all
It grows, it grows our fear of these dark halls
We groan, we groan for something to feel like home
Because in the end perfect ghosts can’t love at all
I’d rather shake the hand of a joker then hand of a king
Most royalty are wolves feeding on sheep’s mistakes
It don’t relate, wide smiles with rules to break
When everything’s fake why wouldn’t we walk away
Most royalty are wolves feeding on sheep’s mistakes
It don’t relate, wide smiles with rules to break
When everything’s fake why wouldn’t we walk away
I’ve seen the ghosts of our fathers in the walls
It grows, it grows our fear of these dark halls
We groan, we groan for something to feel like home
Because in the end perfect ghosts can’t love at all
It grows, it grows our fear of these dark halls
We groan, we groan for something to feel like home
Because in the end perfect ghosts can’t love at all
Its about to change, I’ll kiss my demons on the open floor
When it comes to faith your either in or a prisoner of war
When it comes to faith your either in or a prisoner of war
No one can experience Jesus for us, so in our own lives, make it personal, keep it real and pray, pray, pray that our kids encounter God so genuinely, they do the same. A child who loves and serves the Lord with all his heart, for all of his life is the greatest blessing a parent could hope for.
John 4:41-42 And many more believed because of his [Jesus’] word. They said to the woman, “It is no longer because of what you said that we believe, for we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this is indeed the Savior of the world.”
Judges 2: 7 The people worshiped the Lordthroughout Joshua’s lifetime and as long as the elderly men who outlived him remained alive. These men had witnessed all the great things the Lord had done for Israel. 8 Joshua son of Nun, the Lord’s servant, died at the age of one hundred ten. 9 The people buried him in his allotted land in Timnath Heres in the hill country of Ephraim, north of Mount Gaash. 10 That entire generation passed away; a new generation grew up that had not personally experienced the Lord’s presence or seen what he had done for Israel
11 The Israelites did evil before the Lord by worshiping the Baals. 12 They abandoned the Lord God of their ancestors who brought them out of the land of Egypt. They followed other gods—the gods of the nations who lived around them. They worshiped them and made the Lord angry. 13 They abandoned the Lord and worshiped Baal and the Ashtoreths.