Category Archives: Spirit Life

Why My Spiritual Mathematical Formulas Are Faulty

In Luke chapter seven, we read about a widow woman whose adult son has died. In this culture this son mathwould have been the only means of support she had. This poor woman had just lost everything.

As Jesus came near the town gate the funeral procession passed by carrying the dead man out and Jesus observed the mother weeping and mourning.

There is no record of this widow having great faith or asking Jesus to help her. In fact there is no indication that she even noticed Jesus or knew who He was. She was so overcome with grief,  I seriously doubt she noticed anything going on around her. She was too busy drowning in her sorrow to care.

Verse thirteen says Jesus looked upon this scene and felt compassion for the woman. He went to her, told her to stop crying, then told her dead son to get up. The guy sat up immediately on his death stretcher and began talking.  In an incredible instant, sorrow was turned into unspeakable joy!

I’ve been told most of my life that God only answers in response to being asked and since this is scripturally supported, I agree, as stated in 1 John 5:14-15 and many other verses.

I’ve also been told I need faith for God to respond to my requests and I agree with this as well. Hebrews 11:6 tells us we can’t even please God without faith.

But I’m discovering at any point I think I might have my doctrinal boxes built and the lids sealed tight, Jesus comes along and messes me up. He throws in just enough deviation from the theological equations we believers like to construct, to keep me from thinking I know it all, that I’ve finally figured out the sum total of every spiritual equation.

One plus one is not always two in God’s kingdom.

He can mix up our constructs and confuse our theology anyway and anytime He wants. He is God and will have mercy and compassion on whomever He chooses (Romans 9:5) whether they have great faith, little faith or no faith and even if they haven’t asked of Him yet.

I never want to stop asking of Him or stop growing in my faith. But I also never want to think I’m so spiritually awesome that God can’t respond, love, heal, deliver, rescue and redeem in any way He sees fit, outside of my preconceived theological formulas.

I’m OK with God staying a bit mysterious and a lot sovereign. I’m alright with not knowing everything as long as I know The Great I Am. In realizing how small and limited I am without Him, its comforting to understand just how much higher, wiser and greater His ways and thoughts are than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9).

God loves me. I trust Him.

That’s good enough for now.

Luke 7:11 “Soon afterward he [Jesus] went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a great crowd went with him. 12 As he drew near to the gate of the town, behold, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow, and a considerable crowd from the town was with her. 13 And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her and said to her, “Do not weep.” 14 Then he came up and touched the bier, and the bearers stood still. And he said, “Young man, I say to you, arise.” 15 And the dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother. 16 Fear seized them all, and they glorified God, saying, “A great prophet has arisen among us!” and “God has visited his people!” 17 And this report about him spread through the whole of Judea and all the surrounding country.”

 1 John 5:14 “And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.”

 Hebrews 11:6 “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”

 

 

 

Just Believe!

believeBELIEVE! As I read, I see this word over and over again, from Genesis to Revelation. It’s one of the central themes of the Bible.

Numbers 4:11 “The Lord said to Moses, I have done great things for these people, and they still reject me by refusing to believe in my power.’”

Luke 22:67 “If you are the Christ, tell us.” But he said to them, “If I tell you, you will not believe.”

The word, believe, occurs 84 times in the Gospel of John alone, the book where Jesus has more of His own words directly quoted. Why then, is it so hard to believe?

Here are some concerns that whittle away at my belief:

•Physical sight verses spiritual sight – it’s easier to focus on what I see around me than to walk by faith for what I can’t see (2 Corinthians 5:7).

•Wanting and waiting – when I’m desperate for a solution that takes too long or doesn’t come in the way I hoped (Proverbs 13:12).

•Circumstances and stresses – life can be difficult and it’s easy to become bogged down under the weight of my difficulties (Mark 4:19).

•Fear – will I have to let go of the familiar or face an unknown (Romans 8:15)?

More than anything else, God’s heart breaks over my unbelief. He delivers far above and beyond to demonstrate His love and care for me, even in laying down His own life to show He is trustworthy.

What more can be done than that?
I want to believe. I want to let go with total abandonment and trust God with my entire life and everything that happens in it.
I’ve come far but still have more to experience in this total believing thing. Unless He helps me, I can’t get it right.

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!’ (Mark 9:24). I’m so dependent on You.”

No Such Thing As Normal – My Special Education, Lesson #4

Normal. normal

What is it? 

Are you? Am I? And who decides what the standard for normal is?

One dictionary definition describes normal as: conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.

And Wikipedia describes it as: a lack of significant deviation from the average.

Don Piper, in his book 90 Minutes in Heaven, states: “Some things happen to us from which we never recover, and they disrupt the normalcy of our lives. That’s how life is. Human nature has a tendency to try to reconstruct old ways and pick up where we left off. If we’re wise, we won’t continue to go back to the way things were (we can’t anyway). We must instead forget the old standard and accept a ‘new normal.’”

I’ve contemplated the word ‘normal’ and the way humans like to measure themselves by it, since the unforgettable day our son Jonathan arrived.

There isn’t much about parenting any child that allows for normalcy. With a special needs child all bets are off!  Normal is always being redefined.

There are so many ways our family life is not typical,  especially now that Jon is an adult and still here with us; our ‘normal’ detours along an uncommon path providing us with many challenges, learning experiences and unusual blessings.

Culture, society and humanity in general, constantly attempt to fit us into a mold they call normal. A certain set of actions and behaviors that dictate how we are to look, dress, think, act, even live, yet the parameters for these shift like wind currents. What was considered normal yesterday isn’t today and tomorrow it changes again.

My very wise husband  defines ‘normal’ this way: one fool doing something and a whole bunch of other fools following until everyone thinks it’s OK.

This protocol for fitting in exists everywhere, in education, corporations, political parties, sports and religious organizations, the movie and music industry, agents, publishers and business. There is no escaping the pressure of the world’s attempt to fit us into its mold.

The human heart yearns and the spirit of man longs for normal, for a perfection that is unattainable in a sin cursed world, a world that was never meant to work properly without God at its core. So we define ‘normal’ as we see it, as it seems right to each of us, then we pretend we are (Proverbs 21:2).

The standard for “normal’ was set at Creation. It was perfection. Everything, including us, was perfect. One wrong choice, an act of free will against God set the planet and everything on it in a downward spiral taking us farther away from the original standard with each generation.

God hasn’t called me or you to be status quo, ordinary or average, according to the world’s standard.  We are pressed to constantly adjust, adapt and stretch to life’s challenges with a mental, emotional and spiritual fortitude that defies our own reason and relies entirely on His.

As God’s special kids, we are called to be peculiar, non-conformed and transformed. Be in the world but not of it.

I suppose, in this regard, Jon has a head start on me. 

 One day God will reset the earth back to His original plan (Revelation 2:1-4). All will be right again and finally normal will be what it was always meant to be.

I Peter 2:9 “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that you should show forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.”

Romans 12:2 “And don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” 

*Don Piper with Cecil Murphey, “90 Minutes in Heaven,” (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Fleming H. Revell , 2004), pg. 137

 

 

 

 

Why I’m Not A Role Model For Inspiration

inspiration-cover I started writing about our life with Jon approximately eight years ago

He finished school in 2002 and came home full time. Over the next few years he tried several full time and part time jobs but was continually ‘let go’. “He doesn’t stay on task without constant supervision,” we were told.  Then came the work centers and day programs, which he hated. The only thing we couldn’t try was moving him out into supported living or residential placement. There wasn’t enough funding for that.

Having Jon at home worked out well for a while. We had plenty of help at first; our friends from Maine who wintered in the back house on our property in Kissimmee, Florida, another friend from New Hampshire who lived with us for a year, our youngest son who was always willing to be extra eyes and Mike, who was working from home at the time and was usually available to watch out for Jon if I needed to go out.

Then one by one the extras faded away. The friends from Maine, now in their golden years, had too many health problems to travel and my other friend moved back north when the cancer she’d been battling returned. David went away to college and a few years later Mike sold the business, took a position away from home and started leaving the house every morning.

Suddenly it was just me…and Jon.

At first, I tried taking him with me to the places I needed to go – shopping, the gym, to run errands – but his constant resistance clearly stated that he really didn’t want to do those things with me. Every outing attempt became a slow motion drama of frustration and tension between us.

For all Jon is and does that is amazing and wonderful, he is equally obstinate. I quickly realized that everything I needed or wanted to do away from home was now next to impossible

That was a difficult time for me. The adjustment of becoming a full time caregiver left me feeling trapped, resentful and alone. I was overwhelmed with how restricted my life had suddenly become and dealt with constant guilt for feeling that way. I cried, prayed and begged God for a solution.

Then I started to write. At the time, it was one way I could keep my sanity. I was desperate for my adult son, afraid for his future and discouraged about my own. Some of those early writings no one has ever read, they are SO honest and TOO vulnerable – my broken heart spilled out on paper.

Eventually I began to share some of the lighter pieces with friends and family. They loved them and encouraged me to write more and make them available to others. Social networking and inexpensive or free websites, and easy blogging for technology “dummies” like me, gave me a place to share my words with anyone who cares to read.

So here we are today. A few things have changed since then.

We moved closer to Mike’s work so he’s home more. We have caregivers that come in a few times a week to provide respite so I can go to church and out with my husband now and then.

But the biggest change is inside ME.

I have also come to understand that I can not want for someone, what they don’t want for themselves. Jon is content being home so I am learning to be content with him. I’m adjusting better to my ‘confinement’. I’ve discovered more about unconditional love, grace and self-less-ness in these years than I could ever experienced in a lifetime.

I confess to having days when it’s hard, when I want to be selfish, when I want to do what I want, when that voice in my head tells me, “You deserve more, everyone else is coming and going as they please, but not you.”

But as the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:11, “for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances”. Learned is the key word here.

This contentment-in-all-things, isn’t automatic. It’s a process and I’m still learning.

My life is still scheduled around Jon and when I do take him out, it’s always about him, not me.

And I still write…for me. I’m continually ‘preaching to the choir’, so to speak, and I am the choir!

Everything you read is to remind me that it’s OK, I’m OK. Jon’s OK. Life is good. We’re going to be alright.

People tell me often that I inspire them. I am thankful for that even though I don’t feel like a role model for inspiration at all.

Life here is different, yeah, even weird sometimes, but God is faithful and He has a plan A. It might not be my plan B, C or D, but it’s alright to live it the best I can, laugh about it sometimes, pray about it all the time and cry occasionally over what is not.

If you’re inspired by any of that then I’m grateful for the bonus of being a blessing in the middle of my unusual life and also in the middle of yours.

Maybe sharing this helps all of us. Maybe when we are open and honest with each other it releases us from the dangerous deception of charades and perfection, allowing us space to be who we are and where we are on this life journey.

Just maybe, we can peel off the mask, look one another in the eye and admit, “This is me, this is you. Life isn’t perfect or even normal, but let’s walk it together and be inspired by what God can do in, for and through those who are called according to His purpose in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:28)

The glory of God shining out of our frailty, weakness and humanity…

Now that’s inspiring!

Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

The End Is Just The Beginning…again.

It’s been so since the beginning – God – just wanting to be with us. return

 “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27

He created us for relationship, friendship, love. He wanted to hang out with us, come down from the Heavens in the cool of the day and walk and talk with us in the beauty of His earth creation.

 Then one poor choice ruined everything.

“The man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.  But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:8-9

Throughout history God continued to call mankind back. He came and spoke in many ways: through clouds, pillars of fire, a burning bush, and a golden box filled with Himself, signs, wonders, miracles, prophets, judges, priests, kings.

Until Jesus arrived – ‘Emmanuel, God with Us’ – proving His desperate longing for me and you and providing us rescue from all our poor choices.

The end will culminate with God returning to His original plan. John saw it in a Heavenly vision and was told to write it down so we would know…God still wants us.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away… And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.” Revelation 21:1-3

In the beginning, God created out of desire, longing and love for us. And that is exactly how it will begin again in the end; a new creation, a new earth where He can finally physically dwell among us.

All He has ever wanted is you and me. No other god or human ever has or ever will go to such depths to demonstrate love.

How is it that we go to such depths to refuse Him?

When it comes time for the creation reset button to be pushed, I don’t want God calling for me, “Where are you?”

I’ll be right here. Still waiting and reaching in desperate gratitude for the One who loves me like no other; for the One who’s greatest yearning is to be with me.

Forever.

1 Corinthians 3:16 “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?”

Author of My Story

chapter 1The main character in my novel is experiencing deep disappointment today.

She has just received a report that something she has been longing for and doing everything she can to facilitate, has not been a success. She is sad, discouraged and downcast.

Though she is despairing, I am not, because I am the author of the book. I am ordering her steps and writing her story and I know that I have a good end planned for her. It may not come in the time or way she wants but it is coming and as I write, I’m excited about the events and challenges unfolding along the way that will take her to a better end than she can know or understand at this moment.

If I could, I would tell her to trust me. I would tell her, don’t waste time and energy on despair because I already have it all worked out.

As I write my first novel, I’m gaining a greater understanding of who God is and how He works in my life.

I may not be experiencing immediate success in everything I planned for or even see how He is at work behind the scenes of my life.

My task as the main character in this unfolding drama of life, is to simply follow Him; trusting that He has a better plot line for my life than I could ever write on my own.

The Author wants this author to believe Him and finds a million ways a day to tell me…

…just trust.

The end is good.

Everything is going to turn out alright!

That is not fiction, that is fact.

Because God is the Author of my story.

Hebrews 12:1-2 “…let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith…”

Ecclesiastes 7:8  “The end of a thing is better than its beginning…

Quiet Please!

When Job’s friends show up with lengthy discourse on the reason for his suffering he tells them, “If only you could be silent! That’s the wisest thing you could do.” Job 13:5

Keeping our mouths shut is sometimes the best thing we can do. We may have opinions, thoughts, and scriptures running around in our head like Job’s friend, Elihu, (Job 32: 18-20) in regard to a person’s situation, but it might not be the best time to speak.

Job’s friends were all trying to speak for God, chest bumping and ego wrestling with words and all Job wanted was some relief and comfort in his difficulty.

Then God showed up and said, “Get ready for a difficult task like a man; I will question you and you will inform me! Tell me, if you know it all! (Job 38:3 & 18)

In God’s presence, they all realized they didn’t know as much as they thought and in the end Job had no answer for any of God’s questions but this: “But I have declared without understanding things too wonderful for me to know.” (Job 42:3)

Sometimes the smartest thing we can do, is just be quiet!

Proverbs 17:28 “Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent.”

The G Word

We now have the R-word, happily joining the demise of the N-word, at least in the halls of government.

In 2010 President Obama signed Rosa’s Law mandating the term ‘intellectual disability’ replace ‘mental retardation’ in all federal health and education policies.

As of this month Social Security has dropped the language and in Florida, our state of residence, Governor Rick Scott followed forty other states by signing a bill, in February of this year, removing ‘retardation’ from state statutes.

The clinical definition of the word retarded is:  slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress. In its simplest form it means, to slow down by preventing or hindering advance or accomplishment, to impede.

I’m not bothered by the R-word much anymore. Though he may be slow in many undertakings, our son, Jonathan, and others like him are so much more than the definition of the words that label them; they are people first with individuality, personality, feelings, wants, hopes and dreams just like all of us.

Those who make an effort to know them understand this.

The morning following our firstborn’s arrival in May of 1980, the pediatrician came into my hospital room to give me the news.

Our baby had Down syndrome.

When our son was born, the use of the word mongoloid, which for decades inappropriately described people with Down syndrome, was declining and being replaced with the last name of the British doctor, John Langdon Down, who first classified the characteristics of the syndrome in 1866.

Up to that point, I had limited knowledge and exposure to people with mental disabilities. The law providing disabled children a public education wasn’t passed until the year 1975, two years after I graduated from high school and in previous generations the majority of disabled children were hidden away at home or put in institutions never to be seen again.

I had no idea what Down syndrome was; had never even heard of it.

“What is that?” I asked the doctor, hoping it was some minor newborn problem that would go away in a few days .

“A mongoloid,” he answered, the inflection of his voice rising at the end of the word as if asking a question.

He looked at me like he hoped I knew what that meant.

I did.

That word sent a jolt of fear deep into my very core. I remembered catching brief glimpses of “mongoloid” people. Images of a young man who attended the church I went to as a child immediately scrolled through my mind.

‘But we don’t like to use that term anymore,’ the doctor explained, ‘’Down syndrome describes the condition and its various symptoms better. I’m sorry, but you need to be aware that there is no cure for this and your child will be retarded for the rest of his life.”

In just a few sentences, I had heard every word available at the time, in medicine and society, to categorize my baby. In that life changing moment such terminology came only with the realization that I was totally unprepared for what the future might hold for us and our newborn son.

I had a lot to learn.

Years later, our youngest son came home on a college break, bringing a group of friends with him; a mix of guys and gals. As we gathered around the table for an evening of popcorn and board games, the random banter and laughter of youth reverberated through the house.

At the height of their silliness, one of the guys made a funny comment that sent everyone into laughing fits. One of the girls flippantly responded by telling him, “You’re such a retard.”

Suddenly, silence halted the clamor.

In the college lunch hall the conversation and laughter would have continued without a thought. But here, as guests in Jonathan’s home, sitting at his family’s table, laughter quickly changed to embarrassment, with the immediate realization of what had been said.

Red faced and tripping over her tongue, the girl began apologizing profusely.

She didn’t mean to be hurtful, I got that. It was an expression, something kids say to each other and in that context the word was a synonym for acting dumb or ridiculous.

I wasn’t upset, but told her she needed to think how Jon would feel if he had heard her. Fortunately he hadn’t.

The word, retard, had been used toward him in a derogatory context and he only knew it as a put down. His reasoning and processing ability is very literal and it’s often difficult for him to separate words based on context. The framework for forming the multiple nuances of a word, are usually lost on Jon.

I hoped it was a lesson she and the other students present that evening, never forgot.

Legislating behavior doesn’t change who we are on the inside and playing politically correct word games does nothing to change the heart of a person who chooses to degrade a word from its original definition into a weapon of insult.

If we simply value every God created human life, treating others the way we want to be treated, and think about the impact of our words, there would be no need to sign laws to send words to the dictionary scrap heap.

We are called to speak blessing not condemnation. Peace not strife. Encouragement not injury.

Forget N and R words!

Solve the problem.

Communicate the G-word to everyone, everywhere.

 GRACE!

There’s no law against that one, at least not yet.

Let your conversation be always full of grace.. Colossians 4:6

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29

 

 

 

 

Spirit Fruit Cake

I’ve never tasted a fruit cake I like, but I’ve been thinking about them since my friend’s ten year old daughter, Rachel, had another one of her Heaven dreams. 

(See my earlier post about Rachel here:) http://aplacecalledspecial.blogspot.com/2013/05/heaven-is-here.html

She told her mom they baked a cake in Heaven made out of the fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22.  

“.. the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”

Rachel said, “It is good for our spirit because it is made out of spirit stuff. It is good for our bodies because it comes from our spirit into our bodies where we need it.”

 Maybe this fruit cake dream is a message and reminder that the fruit of the Spirit, which we tend to think of as individual traits, are connected; intertwined. 

Instead of wondering which one or two we need most, we are meant to see the need for ALL of them. 

So, how do we assimilate these fruit into our daily life? 

What exactly is the recipe for Spirit Fruit Cake?

Hunger (need)

The first step in the recipe is recognizing a need for these attributes; having a hunger to be more like Christ in every area of life and a desire to display His character in every circumstance.

When our stomach is hungry we have an insatiable craving to fill it and go to great measures to ensure our body is fed. 

Without a hunger for sustenance that feeds the spirit, it is doomed to shrivel rather than grow.

Worse yet, we are destined for a constant struggle to be good enough on our own.

I needn’t remind any of us how often that fails.

Mix (add all ingredients)

The New Testament speaks often of being filled with the Spirit (Ephesians 5:18) and walking in the Spirit filled life (Galatians 5:16). 

When we receive Christ and are filled with the Holy Spirit the seeds of His fruit are planted within us. They are one of His many gifts that help us live the abundant life Jesus promised (John 10:10).

The growth of these fruit depend on our need and use of them. They develop in the watered and fertile soil of a heart surrendered to God.

1 Peter 1: 5-9 instructs us, with diligence, to “add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.  

This is not a buffet, picking and choosing the fruit we like or wondering which one or two we need most. 

Like any good recipe, one ingredient blends into the next and the full use of one fruit at work in us is hindered without incorporating the others; they cannot come to fruition alone.  

What good is it to be a patient person if we are not kind? Where is gentleness without love? How can we have longsuffering if we don’t possess self control? Is it even possible to have joy without peace? 

Gentleness, kindness, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control interact with one another to create the entire recipe in the Spirit Fruit Cake. 

Not one ingredient can be left out with an expectation for the finished product to turn out right.

Bake (turn up the heat!)

We all face daily situations that present us with opportunity to react in multiple ways. Here is where the trouble waits. 

How will we respond when the choice is callousness or kindness, irritation or patience, strife or peace, rudeness or gentleness?

To feed our body well and keep it healthy we have to make wise food choices. Denying our flesh the convenient route by making a salad, takes more thought and preparation than grabbing a candy bar.

Likewise, our natural response to adverse and annoying inconvenience is usually an unhealthy serving of selfishness and pride. Emotion takes over, words are unleashed and when the deed is done, regret and misery settle in where God’s peace and serenity should live.


If we ask, God meets our practice of these fruit at each situation we face, with unlimited grace and at the exact moment of need. 

Becoming intentionally aware of God’s amazing grace at work in our life, allows us to hold our tongue, curb our anger or see an irritating person from a different perspective. 

Only He can give us insight and discernment into what triggers our flawed reactions.

Developing the Fruit of the Spirit is a lifelong process. The more we practice the easier it becomes to react out of Christ-like love, instead of flesh and out of spiritual discernment rather than human emotion. 

At some point we more consistently respond with gentleness instead of harshness, patience instead of annoyance, gentleness instead of rudeness, joy instead of moodiness.

The Spirit of God takes dominance over self and others are now fed by the nourishing fruit within us.

Not where you want to be yet? Don’t despair, there’s plenty of fruit cake to go around.

 A steady diet of this recipe is recommended. 

And no calorie counting is required.

Colossians 1:9-11 “For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask…that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God..”

Colossians 1:27 “Christ in you,the hope of glory.”

Self Control or Patience? I’ll Take an Order of Both, Please!

I took Jon to Wendy’s fast food restaurant the other day…well…let’s say, I tried.

He emerged from his room in the early afternoon, around 1pm, desperately needing a shower, shave and change of clothes and headed for the garage to get in the car; his signal that, ” I’d like to go someplace now.”

I told him there would be no going anywhere looking like he just crawled out from under a rock. He frowned and shuffled back inside to the bathroom.

By the time we got in the car, Jon had showered, put on clean clothes and it was almost 7:30 pm. 

He was also wearing a plastic headband with paper Mickey Mouse ears taped to it, garden gloves and a flowered belt from my closet. Random items were tucked between the belt and his waist, a plastic sword, a drumstick, a long glow stick with a bright red heart on the end and several other unidentified objects.

He handed me a note and I stared at the scrawled print trying to figure out what it said. Considering the way he was decorated, I had a feeling I already knew.

I deciphered the words, DISENI and MIKEY MOSE and realized I was correct. He wanted to go to Disney. 

Problem number one, it was already late and we don’t live in Kissimmee anymore. From there, Disney was a fifteen minute drive. Now that we’re located thirty miles north of Orlando, Disney is an hour away, maybe more depending on interstate traffic.

Problem number two, our Disney passes expired several years ago and Jon doesn’t understand it costs a bundle to get in the park and is barely worth the price when you’re staying all day. Forget it if you’re showing up an hour or two before it closes. 

I handed the note back, “Sorry Dude, it’s too late to go to Disney now. You took so long getting ready we don’t have much time to go anywhere. How about Wendy’s or McDonalds. They’re both open late.”

He scowled as he took the note back and turned it over. I waited another ten minutes until he finally wrote WEDYS on the back. By the time we pulled into Wendy’s parking lot it was 8:05pm.

I shut off the car and told him that his costume was pretty impressive but “If you don’t want people staring at you all night then you better take all that stuff off and leave it in the car.”

Sometimes he cares about that, other times, not. He carefully took everything off except the flowered belt. 

I got out of the car and walked over to wait for him near the door. It was now 8:30. 

Jon stayed in the car at least another ten minutes trying to decide what he wanted to bring inside. Finally the door opened and another five minutes passed, then two legs appeared beneath. 

After several minutes went by he stood up. He remained statue still in that spot for about five minutes. 

He finally shut the door and stayed next to the car for nearly ten minutes, pushing buttons on an imaginary keypad under the door handle. 

I pulled out my remote and hit the lock button. The horn beeped. Jon frowned. 

It took him another eight minutes to walk from the car to the sidewalk curb. Once he was actually on the sidewalk that led to the entrance, I went inside, sat down at a table near the window and continued to watch his slow progress toward the door.

While I watched, a woman who had passed me thirty minutes prior, as I waited on the sidewalk, finished eating and came back by me to leave. She glanced out the window at Jon, who was slowly making his way to the door in intermittent starts and pauses.

“Are you with him?” She asked.

“Yes.” I forced a smile. 

I was hungry and tired of waiting. Honestly, I really wanted to go outside and give my kid a big boot in the behind with my foot to get him moving. It took every ounce of self control I had and a lot of Jesus talking to stay in that chair and keep waiting. 

I also realized if someone saw me do that, I’d probably be in handcuffs for assaulting a disabled person in Wendy’s parking lot. So I stayed put and prayed for more patience and grace and tried to put my thoughts on something other than my snail slow child.

“Is he your son?” the woman asked, not waiting for an answer. “I’m a special ed teacher in Orlando,” she continued.”It sure takes a lot of patience sometimes doesn’t it?”

Sometimes?!!?

“Yes it does,” I replied, “And I think I’m about to run out if he doesn’t get in here pretty soon.”

I smiled again, hoping she wouldn’t think worse of me for what I’d just said. She was trying to complement me after all.

Her preschool size grandson was pulling on her, stretching her arm so far he slid sideways to the floor. He was ready to go and I found myself wishing Jon was like him; wishing I could be over the agonizing amount of waiting that happens whenever I take Jon any place. 

The woman smiled back. “You are a very patient person,” she said. 

I was thankful what I was really feeling wasn’t showing on the outside.

I realized then that we easily confuse self control with patience. I was anything BUT patient right then. My ability, by God’s grace, to control myself when I wanted to do anything but had been perceived as patience.

“Thank You God, for self control,” I said out loud to God and myself as she turned to leave.  

Self control isn’t a popular topic in our impatient culture but it’s such a crucial foundation to the other character qualities we need. Love, peace, endurance, tolerance, kindness, gentleness, patience all start with putting self aside for the good of another.

Proverbs 25:28 states, “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” Sounds to me like a place left defenseless. Without self control, all boundaries are gone and every destructive thing has access to our life.

My outing with Jon didn’t end any better than it started. He came through the restaurant door at 9:25pm. We ordered by 9:40 and I sat back down while Jon took his time at the soda machine and condiment counter. 

I ate quickly and was booting up my laptop, relaxing into a few hours of writing time, when the manager walked back to let me know they were closing. 

We had to leave.

“At 10 o’clock?” I asked in disbelief. Hadn’t I seen advertisements, posters and billboards announcing Wendy’s late night hours all over the place? 

Jon hadn’t even sat down yet. He was still pumping ketchup into little paper cups.

I sighed, put my laptop away and readied myself for the struggle coming to get him back out the door he had just come through.

Thank God for self control. 

Like my good friend Glee always says, “Just ‘cause self control is last on the list doesn’t mean it’s not important,”

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control..