Tag Archives: heaven

A Better Place For Who? Grief-ism #2

“He’s in a better place.”  

We all say it and it’s not that I don’t believe it. Someone like me, who cut my preschool teeth on the doctrines of the church and has spent my entire life processing through the principles of my Biblical heritage, certainly believes the claims made by Christ himself and others in scripture:

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.” John 6:40

“For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.“ 1 Corinthians 5:1

To the believing thief on the cross Jesus said, “Today you will be with me in paradise.” Luke 23:43

To all of us who believe we return to God when we leave here, to all of us who affirm, “To be absent in the body is to be present with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8), we instinctively know those who die before us are in a better place.

The problem is they’re not HERE with us. Not anymore. Not ever again in this life. And that matters. A lot!

Mike’s absence created a falling domino effect of chaotic change, problems, logistics, emptiness, longing, yearning and loneliness, impossible to describe. A grief so deep and guttural I knew it could rip me apart.

I‘m not one to engage in comparisons of what is worse. Death is hard, for those left behind,  regardless of how it comes. Maybe if he had been sick over a span of time, maybe if I had to watch him disintegrate through prolonged suffering I could say this platitude with more acceptance. But the brutal long goodbye was not my experience so I can’t know. We had no goodbyes at all. He was here. He was fine. Then in a moment he was gone.

Yes, undoubtedly he is in a better place. But while Mike is there, I’m not, and the knowing of this does not balance the scale of grief. However it occurs, our person being in a ‘better place’ is still that person gone for the rest of our life. What I do know, is that in the early raw days of his death, hearing this statement wasn’t comforting. At all. 

What this statement repeatedly told me is Mike is doing great, he’s fine, but my loss, my pain, the fact that I am most certainly not in a better place without him didn’t matter. What I was suddenly up against, this tornado turn of events, felt unacknowledged and completely negated by reassurance that all was well for him, while everything that was normal and secure for me was spinning out of control. 

Of course, there’s no intention of harm when we repeat these catch phrases in someone’s loss. Nothing I say here is meant to criticize only inform. Often we’re so uncomfortable in the stark reality of another’s grief, we feel the need to offer something and these Hallmark card sentiments are all we have.

The truth is there are no words to cheer up the reality of death and for certain nothing can ‘fix’ it. Nothing can begin to fill the void, replace the absence or replenish the emptiness. Nothing but acknowledgement of suffering and personal presence.

At times the overwhelming emotion and personal isolation of grief can also minimize these but with time (lots of it), patience, understanding, listening, hugs, prayer and practical help, we can validate and enter into another’s suffering.

“I’m so sorry, but I‘m here. I‘m with you. As much as I can be. For as long as you need,” is the best offering we can make.

 

Out of Sync

E1EFCFFD-017D-40FB-A82F-53F2E7B0FB5FTwo grandfather clocks stood side by side, polished wood grain gleaming in the dim light. They were beautifully ornate without being gaudy. It was obvious much care had been taken to keep them in good working order.

Their pendulums swinging in perfect synchronization created volume louder than normal as they chimed in harmony. Then suddenly, one stopped ticking, it’s pendulum coming to an abrupt halt, hanging motionless from the clock face.

In my dream I panicked. Terror ripping through me in disbelief. The sight and sound of the silent clock, sent waves of shock and sorrow deep into my soul. This couldn’t be happening! It can’t be real! But it was. It is.

God ordained for man and woman to become one in marriage. It doesn’t happen all at once but with the slow steady pattern of learning one another over many years. A rhythm develops, a synchronized ticking of two hearts, minds and souls. At some point you know each other so well, in many ways, you become one another. 

When one clock stops, the loss of rhythm, identity and certainty is large. There’s no desire at first to continue keeping time on your own. Time becomes irrelevant, a matter of annoyance. Caught in this moment between the past and the future, you’re now faced with the great challenge of learning how to keep going on alone, resetting the clock to a solitary rhythm. 

Ironically time is the healer of this unsettling dilemma and though there’s no end to missing the heart that beat with our own, I’m told eventually there will be release from this purgatory of in-betweenness. It can neither come fast enough or be hurried. I must be patient, let the process play out. Once again time is the Master and I am subject to it’s whims. 

But Ecclesiastes 3:11 tells me God has written eternity on the human heart; that there is more than what I feel, more than what I see. Believing there is satisfaction above what this transient world provides, is comforting.

I’m thankful for the knowledge that God, who created time, also lives outside of it. My husband ticks on in eternity away from the time limitations of this earth. He’s already knows what I have yet to experience.

“Brothers and sisters, we want you to know about people who have died so that you won’t mourn like others who don’t have any hope. Since we believe that Jesus died and rose, so we also believe that God will bring with Him those who have died in Jesus,” 1Thessalonians 4:13-14.

The day will come when time no longer holds us in it’s greedy grasp. Such a wonderful hope in the depths of great sorrow.

“..and the two shall become one flesh So they are no longer two but one flesh,” Mark 10:8.

“He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end,” Ecclesiastes 3:11.

 

Just Passing Through

Mike and I moved a lot through the years. We’ve owned slightly more homes than can be counted on ten fingers, rented some, and resided in New York, Oregon, Maine, New Hampshire and Florida, relocating at times, within each state. We’ve always been blessed with great places to live but this repeated movement may be why I‘ve never attached much to a house or material goods.

Home was wherever Mike was. That’s just how it worked.

Now that he’s gone I’ve been wondering where home is. I feel like a foreigner on this earth without him here, so it’s helpful to be reminded that I actually am one.

We all are.

God called Abraham from his homeland to an undisclosed place. His task was to get the promise land thing going, and though he never saw it, Abraham’s willingness to do what God was asking of him resulted in incredible benefits for generations not yet born.

The Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you (Genesis 12:1). The writer of Hebrews tells us Abraham “was looking forward to the city that has foundations, whose architect and builder is God (Hebrews 11:10).

Peter called Christ followers ‘strangers and pilgrims’ (1 Peter 2:11). In other words, we’re just passing through. Jesus made it clear, His kingdom was not of this world (John 18:36). If we follow Him, then it stands to reason, neither are we (John 17:16).

Jesus came. Jesus left. As will we all. But while He was here, He “went about doing good,” (Acts 10:38). If Christ is our example then we should do no less during our temporary stay on this planet.

We are challenged to do good, spread His love, share the Good News and all the while keep our eyes on the goal of eternity. What that looks like and how it’s lived out may be different for each of us, but this is God’s plan and our purpose for being here.

This world is nothing but a stopping off place. It’s not our permanent home and never will be. Mike has already gone Home and took nothing of this world with him when he left. The material goods accumulated in a lifetime, have been transferred to me to deal with as long as I stay here. And when I‘m gone it will be handed off to our son.

Eventually, I will exit and leave all this behind. So will you. We don’t know when our time here is up but while we remain our assignment is to deposit treasure into Heaven’s bank, leaving an earthly legacy that extends into eternity. What we send on ahead will never rust, never need repairing, painting or replacing and can’t be withheld, stolen, broken or destroyed (Matthew 6:19-21).

Thank God!

So let’s deposit some Jesus style good in the world today and add to our eternal account. While we still can.

John 18:36 Jesus answered, “My kingdom is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting, that I might not be delivered over to the Jews. But my kingdom is not from the world.”

John 17:16 I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but that you keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world.

1 Peter 2:11 Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul

Philippians 3:20 But our citizenship is in Heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ

Hebrews 13:14 For here we have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come.

Acts 10:38 God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good.

Matthew 6:19-21 Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Flying Solo Now

I 64A3576D-A59A-4DE3-A044-27CDEFBD1BF2write this on a flight to Chattanooga, Tennessee, to celebrate my son’s first published book release. He’s hosting a book launch party this weekend. It seems to be a thing authors do now and it’s a rather big deal.

David’s father would have been excited to attend this event. My husband should be here next to me. But the seat is as empty as the gapping hole in my heart.

We often went places without each other. I’d go and Mike would stay home with Jon or the reverse. Though we didn’t always enjoy our necessary separations, we accepted it as how things had to be. And I always knew he’d be waiting for me when I returned.

This flight feels different than any I’ve taken before. I’m surrounded by people, crammed together inside an Allegiant MD80, yet it’s so lonely. As the miles are absorbed beneath me and the land slides away, the one person on this planet, who knew me better than anyone, who made history and a life with me is missing. I could fly all the way around the circle of the earth in this plane, and not find him.

My husband won’t be there when I go back home. I’m flying solo now.

For those who say “He’s still with you,” or “He’s watching over you, I say “No. Maybe. I don’t know.” There’s no scriptural basis I can find for that. If he is watching me all the time he’s sad at how heartbroken I am without him. There’s not supposed to be any sadness or heartache in Heaven. So I have my doubts.

And right now it’s not enough to think he might be watching me from wherever he is. It’s just not enough for me. I can’t see, hear or touch him. I can talk to the air and tell him how proud we are of our kid’s accomplishments but Mike isn’t here with me to share in it. He doesn’t answer. All I get in return is silence.

Saying he’s with me doesn’t help. It doesn’t make me feel better. In fact, hearing that he’s watching from somewhere I’m not, makes it worse. Only a reminder Mike’s physical presence is sorely missing from mine.

Maybe I’ll be more accepting of such platitudes later. In a year. Or two. Or three. But not now.

So Mike, if by some chance you are listening and if you can see, I’ve arrived now and I’m holding a copy of our son’s book in my hands. It’s amazing. So is he. Just like his father.

And it’s cold in Chattanooga. You’d be complaining right along with me. Wish we could lay here together under this fluffy, warm comforter and talk about it all.

Just want you to know this weekend, you’ll sure be missed at this celebration of what we, and then our son, created.

Fighting The Good Fight

IMG_0858David and I brought Mike home in a 3X6 box yesterday. For now he is resting on the top shelf of the closet we shared covered in that silly Panama Jack hat he liked in Seaworld’s gift shop. Forty two years of a life together and when it’s done you’re handed a box. Talk about putting things in perspective!

My son and I sat in the car and cried together, feeling as if we’re living the book of Ecclesiastes right now. The things of Earth have become extremely dim and eternity seems very near.  Nothing here matters In this moment; not our homes, our cars, food, money, the long, long, long to do list, or even David’s soon to be published book. I admit, I’m saddened the death of his father has stolen David’s excitement for his accomplishment.

“Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity. What does man gain by all the toil at which he toils under the sun?” Ecclesiastes 1:1.

Heaven is near and reminding us of what really matters. Obviously we must continue living and find provision for our journey here, but all of that is far less important than knowing the Father Heart of God and loving people.

Whatever time remains for us, we will continue honoring Mike’s legacy by doing just that, until it is our turn to proclaim:

“ I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved His appearing,” 2 Timothy 4:7-8.

Welcome home, Michael Connis!

What REALLY Matters

IMG_0572Mike’s first job was a newspaper route, trudging through snow, dodging rain, walking the streets where he and I lived as neighbors in upstate New York, As a kid, I remember seeing him walk past our house with a loaded newspaper sack over his shoulder, each paper removed quickly from the bag, efficiently folded into a tight missile and hurled from the sidewalk into doorways and onto front steps. He saved the money he made and bought a motorcycle, his first ride, when he was finally old enough to drive.

He never stopped working after that. When we were first married money was tight, as it is for most couples starting out. Mike took a second job delivering newspapers but now had me to assist. We’d get up at 3 AM every morning. Yawning and blurry eyed, I asked him “Why so early?” He replied, “I guess people like to read the paper with breakfast.”

He taught me how to fold a newspaper into a threefold locked and loaded missile and he’d fire them from the open window of our 1967 Chevy Impala into doorways and and onto front steps. He rarely missed.

Every employer Mike worked for through the years, moved him quickly into a management position. They saw the same diligence in him I did. My husband was always a hard worker and wise money manager. I never had to worry there wouldn’t be a roof over head, food on the table, a car to drive, clothes to wear.

If there was such a thing as a Proverbs 31 man, he fit the description perfectly. He was a Superman provider. He took care of everyone he loved, mostly at his own neglect.

I can’t stop thinking about how he left me several weeks ago. They handed me back his wedding ring and the few items in his pockets and took him away with nothing but the clothes on his back. Every material thing he worked for, our home furnished with craigslist.com bargain treasures, two cars in the driveway, a closet full of clothes, all of it, left behind. He took none of it with him.

There are moments in life that create a seismic shift in priorities and this is one of them. While I’m grateful for a home and the things needed to live on this planet, I’m acutely aware of what matters most.

Jesus summed it up in Luke 10:27, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and love your neighbor as yourself.”

In the midst of all his hard work, Mike loved his Heavenly Daddy fiercely and he cared deeply for people. His most recent sermon, preached several months ago, was titled, ‘People Matter,’ and many are now calling, writing or stopping to tell me how he touched their life. Everywhere we lived and everywhere he worked, he made a positive difference.

When the last breath leaves your lungs, when all is said and done, the only thing you take with you is the spirit God placed within you and the impact of the people your life has touched. If we are meant to invest in anything between birth and death, it is these.

If you don’t have a personal relationship with God, get one. Now! He has waited since eternity to love you. He wants you with Him when you leave here. So did Mike. So do I.

And every morning when you greet a new sunrise, be intentional in positively impacting every person who enters your day. Lift a life. Love them right where they are and show them they are valued.

Because in the end this is the conclusion of the matter.

This is the ONLY thing that counts.

Heaven Is Here


My dear friend Thelma came to stay with us for a few nights. She needed a quiet retreat to get some work done on several projects; the second, third and fourth books in her “God’s Lil People” series for kids, and another unusual book which I am really excited about! 

Since I’ve known Thelma, she has had a passion for exposing children to the miraculous and supernatural power of a living God. She and her husband, Lou, live with their oldest daughter, son-in-law and their three children in a sprawling house on several acres in Kissimmee, Florida. The oldest granddaughter, who is now ten, has been regularly visiting Heaven in her dreams at night for the past six years or so. When the family finally realizedthis, Thelma began chronicling Rachel’s experiences in the morning after she wakes up. Rachel recites and Grama writes with a fury. 

I just spent a good part of the last few days reading Rachel’s journeys to Heaven (since 2009); her descriptions of what she sees there, rooms and levels, healing grass, mountains that move then explode into waterfalls that flow with healing water to us on earth,  her personally assigned angels named Promise and Laughy, who take her places throughout Heaven, explain things to her and give her a birthday party, people she meets, such as her dad’s parents, who she never knew on earth because they died before she was born, and best of all her wonderful conversations with Jesus whom she often meets in their special “Love Tree” where they climb up to just sit and talk. According to Rachel, the Love Tree has large, beautiful rose–like flowers all over it, you can eat them and they taste really wonderful.

It is an adventure full of joy, beauty, love and trust with simple, yet profound revelation of doctrine, theology and scripture, things that Rachel is still too young to understand, but are very evident in her conversations and discoveries. It is also an unveiling of the wondrous heart of God for all His children, who sparkle like diamonds on earth when Rachel and Jesus look at us from Heaven. 

The most awesome surprise in Rachel’s dreams is that Heaven is already on earth and we spend so much time mired in our natural and physical, temporary realities, we aren’t even aware of it. We don’t understand what being, “Seated in heavenly places” (Ephesians 2:6) really means or what, “Christ in you the hope of glory” (Colossians 1:27) can do for us nor do we totally grasp the concept of, “On earth as it is in Heaven” (Matthew 6:10). We don’t realize that we are already living in the Eternal and this life is just a chapter in the never ending adventure.

The past decade of my life, God has been speaking to my own heart about how complicated I make Him, how I want to do what He has already done and how I attempt to reason instead of trust. Like Rachel says, your spirit where Jesus already lives, should always ‘pump up’ to your mind. Your mind should never ‘pump down’ to your spirit. How I long to live in that place where my mind is servant to God’s spirit within me!
To be privileged to read Rachel’s encounters and have my own understanding further enlightened and my heart set free inside a simple, yet deeper level of truth, is a great joy and honor. I feel as if I’m floating in another realm just thinking of it! I can’t give it all away, but I’m incredibly thankful that I have been asked to be a part of this project-layout, design, editing-whatever way I can help, I am thrilled to do so.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these,” (Mark:10:14) As Rachel teaches us about the Kingdom of God in Heaven and it‘s connection to earth, I’m more than willing to follow along and learn of Him, whom my soul loves and longs for above all else.

Mark 10:13-16   People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.  Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”  And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them