I started writing about our life with Jon approximately eight years ago

He finished school in 2002 and came home full time. Over the next few years he tried several full time and part time jobs but was continually ‘let go’. “He doesn’t stay on task without constant supervision,” we were told.  Then came the work centers and day programs, which he hated. The only thing we couldn’t try was moving him out into supported living or residential placement. There wasn’t enough funding for that.

Having Jon at home worked out well for a while. We had plenty of help at first; our friends from Maine who wintered in the back house on our property in Kissimmee, Florida, another friend from New Hampshire who lived with us for a year, our youngest son who was always willing to be extra eyes and Mike, who was working from home at the time and was usually available to watch out for Jon if I needed to go out.

Then one by one the extras faded away. The friends from Maine, now in their golden years, had too many health problems to travel and my other friend moved back north when the cancer she’d been battling returned. David went away to college and a few years later Mike sold the business, took a position away from home and started leaving the house every morning.

Suddenly it was just me…and Jon.

At first, I tried taking him with me to the places I needed to go – shopping, the gym, to run errands – but his constant resistance clearly stated that he really didn’t want to do those things with me. Every outing attempt became a slow motion drama of frustration and tension between us.

For all Jon is and does that is amazing and wonderful, he is equally obstinate. I quickly realized that everything I needed or wanted to do away from home was now next to impossible

That was a difficult time for me. The adjustment of becoming a full time caregiver left me feeling trapped, resentful and alone. I was overwhelmed with how restricted my life had suddenly become and dealt with constant guilt for feeling that way. I cried, prayed and begged God for a solution.

Then I started to write. At the time, it was one way I could keep my sanity. I was desperate for my adult son, afraid for his future and discouraged about my own. Some of those early writings no one has ever read, they are SO honest and TOO vulnerable – my broken heart spilled out on paper.

Eventually I began to share some of the lighter pieces with friends and family. They loved them and encouraged me to write more and make them available to others. Social networking and inexpensive or free websites, and easy blogging for technology “dummies” like me, gave me a place to share my words with anyone who cares to read.

So here we are today. A few things have changed since then.

We moved closer to Mike’s work so he’s home more. We have caregivers that come in a few times a week to provide respite so I can go to church and out with my husband now and then.

But the biggest change is inside ME.

I have also come to understand that I can not want for someone, what they don’t want for themselves. Jon is content being home so I am learning to be content with him. I’m adjusting better to my ‘confinement’. I’ve discovered more about unconditional love, grace and self-less-ness in these years than I could ever experienced in a lifetime.

I confess to having days when it’s hard, when I want to be selfish, when I want to do what I want, when that voice in my head tells me, “You deserve more, everyone else is coming and going as they please, but not you.”

But as the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:11, “for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances”. Learned is the key word here.

This contentment-in-all-things, isn’t automatic. It’s a process and I’m still learning.

My life is still scheduled around Jon and when I do take him out, it’s always about him, not me.

And I still write…for me. I’m continually ‘preaching to the choir’, so to speak, and I am the choir!

Everything you read is to remind me that it’s OK, I’m OK. Jon’s OK. Life is good. We’re going to be alright.

People tell me often that I inspire them. I am thankful for that even though I don’t feel like a role model for inspiration at all.

Life here is different, yeah, even weird sometimes, but God is faithful and He has a plan A. It might not be my plan B, C or D, but it’s alright to live it the best I can, laugh about it sometimes, pray about it all the time and cry occasionally over what is not.

If you’re inspired by any of that then I’m grateful for the bonus of being a blessing in the middle of my unusual life and also in the middle of yours.

Maybe sharing this helps all of us. Maybe when we are open and honest with each other it releases us from the dangerous deception of charades and perfection, allowing us space to be who we are and where we are on this life journey.

Just maybe, we can peel off the mask, look one another in the eye and admit, “This is me, this is you. Life isn’t perfect or even normal, but let’s walk it together and be inspired by what God can do in, for and through those who are called according to His purpose in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:28)

The glory of God shining out of our frailty, weakness and humanity…

Now that’s inspiring!

Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”