Category Archives: Christ Life

God’s Emmy Awards

EmmyI’m convinced we idolize the wrong people in American society: movie stars, sports players, rock stars, country music singers, the rich and otherwise famous. Everyone wants to be  them.

Someone like Mary, the woman I met last night, not so much.

Mary has been the around-the-clock caregiver of her younger sister for twenty eight years, since their parents passed away. Her sister has Down syndrome and is now sixty years old.

Mary receives no acclaim, no ‘American Idol’ or ‘Emmy Award’, for her selfless act but she has just moved to the top of my personal hero list, for whatever that’s worth.

I lay awake last night doing the math. When Jon is sixty, if we’re both still here, I’ll be eighty five. The nightmare thought always lurking in the back of every parents mind is, who will love and care for my child after I’m gone.

As I thought on this, the familiar feeling of panic and fear began to surface, so I did the only thing I know to do when I’m afraid, I started to pray.

“Heavenly Father, pleasseeee let there be a Mary for my Jon when the time comes. I trust You with our future.”

God’s Kingdom is so very upside down from mans’. God does not put great prominence on things we deem important. He celebrates the small and unseen.

Jesus said if you give away a cup of cold water in His name you will be rewarded (Matthew 10:42). Imagine the award that is waiting for someone like Mary.

One day God will host the ultimate Emmy Awards show of all time.

I’m thinking Mary will be first in line.

Luke 14:12-14 “He also said to the one who had invited Him, “When you give a lunch or a dinner, don’t invite your friends, your brothers, your relatives, or your rich neighbors, because they might invite you back, and you would be repaid.  On the contrary, when you host a banquet, invite those who are poor, maimed, lame, or blind.  And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”

Luke 16:15 (CEV) “ But Jesus told them: You are always making yourselves look good, but God sees what is in your heart. The things that most people think are important are worthless as far as God is concerned.”

Why My Spiritual Mathematical Formulas Are Faulty

In Luke chapter seven, we read about a widow woman whose adult son has died. In this culture this son mathwould have been the only means of support she had. This poor woman had just lost everything.

As Jesus came near the town gate the funeral procession passed by carrying the dead man out and Jesus observed the mother weeping and mourning.

There is no record of this widow having great faith or asking Jesus to help her. In fact there is no indication that she even noticed Jesus or knew who He was. She was so overcome with grief,  I seriously doubt she noticed anything going on around her. She was too busy drowning in her sorrow to care.

Verse thirteen says Jesus looked upon this scene and felt compassion for the woman. He went to her, told her to stop crying, then told her dead son to get up. The guy sat up immediately on his death stretcher and began talking.  In an incredible instant, sorrow was turned into unspeakable joy!

I’ve been told most of my life that God only answers in response to being asked and since this is scripturally supported, I agree, as stated in 1 John 5:14-15 and many other verses.

I’ve also been told I need faith for God to respond to my requests and I agree with this as well. Hebrews 11:6 tells us we can’t even please God without faith.

But I’m discovering at any point I think I might have my doctrinal boxes built and the lids sealed tight, Jesus comes along and messes me up. He throws in just enough deviation from the theological equations we believers like to construct, to keep me from thinking I know it all, that I’ve finally figured out the sum total of every spiritual equation.

One plus one is not always two in God’s kingdom.

He can mix up our constructs and confuse our theology anyway and anytime He wants. He is God and will have mercy and compassion on whomever He chooses (Romans 9:5) whether they have great faith, little faith or no faith and even if they haven’t asked of Him yet.

I never want to stop asking of Him or stop growing in my faith. But I also never want to think I’m so spiritually awesome that God can’t respond, love, heal, deliver, rescue and redeem in any way He sees fit, outside of my preconceived theological formulas.

I’m OK with God staying a bit mysterious and a lot sovereign. I’m alright with not knowing everything as long as I know The Great I Am. In realizing how small and limited I am without Him, its comforting to understand just how much higher, wiser and greater His ways and thoughts are than mine (Isaiah 55:8-9).

God loves me. I trust Him.

That’s good enough for now.

Luke 7:11 “Soon afterward he [Jesus] went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a great crowd went with him. 12 As he drew near to the gate of the town, behold, a man who had died was being carried out, the only son of his mother, and she was a widow, and a considerable crowd from the town was with her. 13 And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her and said to her, “Do not weep.” 14 Then he came up and touched the bier, and the bearers stood still. And he said, “Young man, I say to you, arise.” 15 And the dead man sat up and began to speak, and Jesus gave him to his mother. 16 Fear seized them all, and they glorified God, saying, “A great prophet has arisen among us!” and “God has visited his people!” 17 And this report about him spread through the whole of Judea and all the surrounding country.”

 1 John 5:14 “And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.”

 Hebrews 11:6 “And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”

 

 

 

Hero to Zero in One Second

People are fickle. They love you one minute and hate you the next, especially if you stand for something.

Mike and I have titled this phenomenon, ‘The Hero to Zero in One Second Syndrome’ and nowhere is this better illustrated i secthan Luke chapter 4.

In verses 15 and 22, Jesus is a hometown Hero, but by verses 28 and 29 his neighbors are ready to throw him off a cliff! In a matter of minutes He is reduced to Zero because He speaks truth.

Standing up for what is true and right in a culture that is loosing its moral compass will cost us Hero status for sure. But when we understand our validation comes from God alone, we can respond to those who quickly demote us to Zero with love and grace, as Jesus did.

After all, we are not commissioned to prove everyone else wrong, but to demonstrate the Love of God spread abroad in hearts and minds, makes everything right (Romans 5).
Remember, your Hero/Zero status of today, could be reversed by tomorrow. Looking to people as your lone source of approval and security is like standing on wind blown sand.

If we base our purpose, identity and validation on what others think, we’re in big trouble.

Be a Hero in the Kingdom of God where it really counts. Zeros don’t even exist there.

Luke 4:14 Then Jesus returned to Galilee, filled with the Holy Spirit’s power. Reports about him spread quickly through the whole region. 15 He taught regularly in their synagogues and was praised by everyone. 16 When he came to the village of Nazareth, his boyhood home, he went as usual to the synagogue on the Sabbath and stood up to read the Scriptures. 17 The scroll of Isaiah the prophet was handed to him. He unrolled the scroll and found the place where this was written:

18 “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released,
that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free,
19  and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.”

20 He rolled up the scroll, handed it back to the attendant, and sat down. All eyes in the synagogue looked at him intently. 21 Then he began to speak to them. “The Scripture you’ve just heard has been fulfilled this very day!” 22 Everyone spoke well of him and was amazed by the gracious words that came from his lips. “How can this be?” they asked. “Isn’t this Joseph’s son?”

23 Then he said, “You will undoubtedly quote me this proverb: ‘Physician, heal yourself’—meaning, ‘Do miracles here in your hometown like those you did in Capernaum.’ 24 But I tell you the truth, no prophet is accepted in his own hometown.

 25 “Certainly there were many needy widows in Israel in Elijah’s time, when the heavens were closed for three and a half years, and a severe famine devastated the land. 26 Yet Elijah was not sent to any of them. He was sent instead to a foreigner—a widow of Zarephath in the land of Sidon. 27 And there were many lepers in Israel in the time of the prophet Elisha, but the only one healed was Naaman, a Syrian.”

28 When they heard this, the people in the synagogue were furious. 29 Jumping up, they mobbed him and forced him to the edge of the hill on which the town was built. They intended to push him over the cliff, 30 but he passed right through the crowd and went on his way.

 

Just Believe!

believeBELIEVE! As I read, I see this word over and over again, from Genesis to Revelation. It’s one of the central themes of the Bible.

Numbers 4:11 “The Lord said to Moses, I have done great things for these people, and they still reject me by refusing to believe in my power.’”

Luke 22:67 “If you are the Christ, tell us.” But he said to them, “If I tell you, you will not believe.”

The word, believe, occurs 84 times in the Gospel of John alone, the book where Jesus has more of His own words directly quoted. Why then, is it so hard to believe?

Here are some concerns that whittle away at my belief:

•Physical sight verses spiritual sight – it’s easier to focus on what I see around me than to walk by faith for what I can’t see (2 Corinthians 5:7).

•Wanting and waiting – when I’m desperate for a solution that takes too long or doesn’t come in the way I hoped (Proverbs 13:12).

•Circumstances and stresses – life can be difficult and it’s easy to become bogged down under the weight of my difficulties (Mark 4:19).

•Fear – will I have to let go of the familiar or face an unknown (Romans 8:15)?

More than anything else, God’s heart breaks over my unbelief. He delivers far above and beyond to demonstrate His love and care for me, even in laying down His own life to show He is trustworthy.

What more can be done than that?
I want to believe. I want to let go with total abandonment and trust God with my entire life and everything that happens in it.
I’ve come far but still have more to experience in this total believing thing. Unless He helps me, I can’t get it right.

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!’ (Mark 9:24). I’m so dependent on You.”

“Tolerance” As Defined By Jon

Jon demonstrated the true definition of tolerance a few days ago. stacking-restaurant-wood-high-chair-with-dark-finish-assembled

After a haircut he wandered down the plaza to the sub shop. We ordered, took the front booth, closest to the door and settled in for a long evening.

Several hours later a young couple, with a baby in a car seat, came in and sat in the booth behind us.

Jon has a problem with babies. They cry, scream and are often loud even when they are happy, squealing as they test their vocal chords. High pitched baby sounds have always bothered him, a lot.

As soon as the baby family sat down, Jon collected his sub, drink, two bags of chips and other items he had spread out on the table and moved to the table farthest away from baby, at the back of the building.

He methodically organized his food on the table top and sat down with his back to us. I was chatting with a couple of friends who had shown up to keep me company and was explaining to them why he moved so suddenly, when one of them told me to turn around and look.

Jon had gone to the back of the restaurant, picked up a wooden high chair and was carrying it to the baby’s table. He set it down gently, nodded and smiled ever so slightly at the baby, then turned around and walked back to his table. He stayed there until the baby left and then came back up with us.

In a society where the word, tolerance, has been redefined as accept me, approve me, love everything about me or you don’t like me at all,  Jon showed us that you don’t have to love someone’s behavior to treat them well.

The true meaning of tolerance is displayed in kindness and grace being extended to people who annoy us, even those whose behavior we disagree with.

Thanks Jon for the visual!

Go here to read my other post on Tolerance

Philippians 2:1-8 “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,”

It’s Not My Job To Fix Anyone – My Special Education, Lesson #1

Once I processed and accepted the surprise and disappointment of Jon’s initial diagnosis, I determined to help him be the most amazing person who ever had Down syndrome.

 

I knew if I worked hard enough, fought long enough, my son would be The One to WOW the world. He would be almost ‘normal’ if not one hundred percent. He would have the life I imagined for him – acceptance, friends, a girlfriend (or maybe a wife!), his own apartment, a career and a car to drive to work.

 

He might not become a neurosurgeon or The President, but most ‘normal’ people weren’t, so I could live with that.

 

Working tirelessly from birth through high school and beyond, I fought for services in every available arena of mainstreaming and special education and was even instrumental in spearheading a few improvements.

We accessed infant early intervention, integrated preschool, behavior assessments, speech and occupational therapy, reading programs, Special Olympics and work training programs.

 

I never missed an IEP (Individual Education Plan) school meeting and even home schooled for several years, burning long hours into the night, researching new ways to help Jon excel at learning.

 

Helping my son hit a high level of ability became my project and I was obsessed.

My attempts to ‘fix him’ and fit him into the life my imagination had designed for him, often hindered my enjoying him as my child, especially in those early years. When my friend’s toddlers said their first word, sat up, walked and potty trained on schedule and Jon didn’t, I was defeated and miserable.

Obviously I wasn’t doing enough and the mommy guilt was all encompassing.

 

Now he’s an adult and none of my imagined scenarios for Jon’s life have come to pass, even after all my years of worry and hard work. Of course, we never figured autism would be added to the equation, yet, there’s no apartment, car, career, girlfriend and few friends.

 

There’s mostly just me and Jon.

 

Somewhere in the mix of my many years of ‘Jon education’ and church ministry, dealing with all types of people, I figured something out – it’s not my job to fix people – especially if my “fixing” is more about what I want than what they want or actually need.

 

balloonThis has been a hard lesson to learn.

 

Only God knows what comprises the heart of a person. It’s His job to correct. Mine is to surrender to His work both in myself and others. While God is lovingly trying to align me,  I’m so busy with my attempts to straighten everyone else out that I can’t begin to see my own need.

 

My responsibility is simply to love. If that love requires helping another improve in some way then so be it, but never should it be about someone fitting my perception of what that should look like or what I think they should become.

 

It’s not about my attempts to line everyone up around me to my liking. Enjoying people simply for who they are sets me free from seeing them as a project or burdening relationships with my selfish agenda.

 

Though I’m certain I have more to discover here, learning to love my son for exactly who he is, not who I hoped he’d be, and letting go of my foolish attempts to change and control others has been one of the most liberating experiences of my life.

 

I’ve been surprised by the realization that freedom can come in unforeseen and unexpected ways and letting go has brought more internal peace and joy than I ever thought possible.

 

Jon, what a wonderful teacher you are!

  

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ~ Leo Tolstoy

 

“How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?” Matthew 7:4

 

“So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.” Romans 14:12 NIV

The End Is Just The Beginning…again.

It’s been so since the beginning – God – just wanting to be with us. return

 “God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Genesis 1:27

He created us for relationship, friendship, love. He wanted to hang out with us, come down from the Heavens in the cool of the day and walk and talk with us in the beauty of His earth creation.

 Then one poor choice ruined everything.

“The man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.  But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:8-9

Throughout history God continued to call mankind back. He came and spoke in many ways: through clouds, pillars of fire, a burning bush, and a golden box filled with Himself, signs, wonders, miracles, prophets, judges, priests, kings.

Until Jesus arrived – ‘Emmanuel, God with Us’ – proving His desperate longing for me and you and providing us rescue from all our poor choices.

The end will culminate with God returning to His original plan. John saw it in a Heavenly vision and was told to write it down so we would know…God still wants us.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away… And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God.” Revelation 21:1-3

In the beginning, God created out of desire, longing and love for us. And that is exactly how it will begin again in the end; a new creation, a new earth where He can finally physically dwell among us.

All He has ever wanted is you and me. No other god or human ever has or ever will go to such depths to demonstrate love.

How is it that we go to such depths to refuse Him?

When it comes time for the creation reset button to be pushed, I don’t want God calling for me, “Where are you?”

I’ll be right here. Still waiting and reaching in desperate gratitude for the One who loves me like no other; for the One who’s greatest yearning is to be with me.

Forever.

1 Corinthians 3:16 “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?”

Are You Ready For Christmas?

wreathAs the calendar counts down to Christmas Day, I’m asked this question everywhere I go, “Are you ready for Christmas?”

The nuance of this question is understood in American culture to mean: is the wreath hung, the tree decorated, the lights and garland strung? Is the gift list shopped and wrapped, are the cards mailed and the cookies baked. Has every pageant, program and party been attended and have fixings been purchased and prepared for the holiday feast?

Have I made my list, checked it twice and run myself ragged until I’m not nice? Am I so weary when Christmas comes, all goodwill fades and I am undone?

If Christmas is only about the doing, I might as well cross it off the calendar. If all the external tradition and trappings, of the picture perfect Christmas were removed, could my heart still find joy in the season?

There were many who were not ready for Christmas when it first arrived.

It was a busy time. Caesar had called for a tax census and people were suddenly traveling to their place of birth, juggling finances for the trip and tax, waiting in long lines to register and complaining about the latest greed and ineptitude of the government.

Except for a group of Wise Men and a few Shepherds, most folks were inconvenienced, impatient and unprepared.

The Religious Leaders weren’t ready.

King Herod wasn’t ready.nativity

The Inn Keeper wasn’t ready.

The Town of Bethlehem and its many visitors weren’t ready.

An entire population of people missed a momentous event going on in their own backyard.

The Christ of Christmas had come, but there was so much to do and no time to notice.

Jesus came and Emmanuel, God With Us, is still here.

Do I recognize Him? Have I taken time to notice?

Those who understand the real meaning of Christmas should be ready everyday, any moment, all the time.

I’m ready for Christmas.

Are you?

John 1:10-14 “He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him. Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God. The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.”

What’s Wrong With My Christmas?

Here it is two weeks before the big day and I’ve managed to hang a wreath on the front door.

That’s it.

Mike and David brought the tree down from the shelf in the garage after Thanksgiving and it stayed on the front room floor in the storage bag for over a week.

It’s been upright in the usual family room spot for four days now, with lights attached but only because they are built into the tree, certainly not because I put them there.

Christmas cards were just ordered two days ago. I hope they come in time.

I’ve done very little shopping and honestly I’m just not feeling it this year – all the external trappings of the Christmas Season.

When our boys were young there was an air of excitement as Christmas approached. I reveled in the cooking, shopping, trimmings, secrets and anticipation.

And I was a perfectionist.

I tried to teach the kids how to decorate the tree so it looked balanced. You know, all the holes filled in between branches and ornaments symmetrically displayed all the way around.

I think about that now and hope I didn’t take all the fun out of it.

Packages were wrapped in matching paper with homemade bows and hand designed gift tags.

Christmas dinner was a Thanksgiving repeat – huge and amazing.

Mike’s self appointed job has always been to put up the tree, make sure the lights work, then sit on the sofa and watch the kids and I embellish it.

He stopped helping me hang ornaments after our first Christmas together, as I came behind him and moved every ornament he put on, to a different place.

Now, I think I’d be thrilled if he and Jon hung all the decorations on the same side of the tree while I sat and watched.

When I ask Jon, my perpetually moody, thirty-plus-year-old-teenager if he’d like to help, he looks at me like I have three eyes in the middle of my forehead and walks away. (He will, however, be very interested in opening the gifts underneath this undecorated tree. 🙂 )

David and Clara won’t be here for Christmas. They’re going to be with her family this year (as they should), so no incentive there.

Someone please tell me I’m not turning into a Grinch or maybe Scrooge!

The good news, in my tale of Christmas woe, is the Jesus of Christmas is dearer to me than ever.

We have come to the end of another year and my heart is decorated with blessings, warmth and the joy of His overwhelming love.

Life is not perfect. There are struggles, frustrations and annoyances, but Jesus has been and will continue to be my faithful friend and gentle shepherd.

As we celebrate this season of His Earth arrival, my heart grows two sizes larger at the thought of a Savior who came for me.

To rescue. To strengthen. To comfort. To cleanse. To change. To love.  ME.

So whether the halls are decked or not, that’s enough to make even this Grinch, want to celebrate!

Matthew 1:23 “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel (which means‘God with us’).”

 

Confessions of an Imperfect Mom

I yelled at my son last night. EX34C_C_YellingLady

I’m not a screamer, never have been. After growing up in a home of constant yelling, I vowed that I would not be that wife or mom.

But on rare occasions that vow hits an expiration date and this Jesus loving, pastor’s wife, overtime mom – YELLS! Yep, that’s right. Now you know (sorry to disappoint all those who tell me I’m the most patient person in the world).

Jon wanted to ride along to my chiropractor appointment yesterday afternoon. He patiently waited for me in the car and then we headed to one of his favorite hangouts – McD’s and the golden arches.

We ordered and settled in a booth at the back of the dining room. For a long while I preoccupied myself with my laptop, doing some reading and working on some writing, until I started feeling sleepy and decided to check the time.

If you’re a habitual reader of my adventures with Jon, you know that he is an extremely slow (among other things) eater. I’m not talking about regular slow or even irregular slow but the kind of slow that can get you top honors in the Guinness World Book of Records.

I couldn’t believe it, it was midnight! We’d been there for six hours. No wonder my eyes were shutting.

“Jon,” I said, “we need to leave now. We’ve been here too long and I’m falling asleep. I’ll throw away the trash. Please get your things together, and let’s get out of here.”

Unfortunately, Jon wanted to stay. The next twenty minutes consisted of various forms of me insisting and him resisting.

He wouldn’t get up at first. When he finally did, he tried bolting to the front of the building but I blocked him. With a half full cup of caramel latte in one hand and a partially eaten burger in the other, he went out the side door and started down the sidewalk in the opposite direction of where the car was parked.

I went after him and eventually herded him to the car, opened the door and very firmly instructed him to get in.

At this point, I so wanted to be home and Jon was feeling cornered and angry.

He bent over the seat and slammed his caramel latte into the center console cup holder so hard it exploded like a volcano all over the inside of the car. Sticky brown liquid dripped from the dash, down the side of the console onto the floor, ran inside the crevices of the console and splattered all over both front seats.

It was right there that I lost it. I exploded, just like that drink.

I put my hand on Jon’s shoulder, pushed him into the car and slammed the door.

Then he listened to hot lava erupt from my mouth most of the way home.

Today, the emotion of that moment has faded and I’m aware of my inappropriate reaction. I have apologized to him.

Jon doesn’t possess the ability to realize how his actions affect those around him so he won’t apologize in return. He never does. 

Down syndrome limits some of his cognitive ability and autism doesn’t allow him to see past himself and into another’s heart. I know there will be no words or hugs from my son.

But none of that matters. I apologized to him because that is how relationships work, because I love him, and regardless of how frustrating his behaviors can be, because it’s the right thing to do.

God doesn’t ask perfect people to do His work of loving others, only willing hearts are needed. I have learned to quickly forgive and ask for forgiveness (whether it is granted or not) and move on.

Jon may push my buttons once in a while, but more importantly, I know how to push the Mercy reset button every morning, because God’s unending mercies, faithfulness and love are what Jon and I count on to bring us through another day of our unusual life together.

Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV) “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”